Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33 NKJV)

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3 NKJV)

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV)

I have been doing a lot of reading and research on the subject of relationships. The reason is found in this illustration. When I was just starting out in the ministry, I had the opportunity to conduct several weddings and several funerals. One day I was talking with one of my collage professors about weddings and funerals and told him I preferred to do weddings because they were very happy affairs. He told me that he preferred to do funerals because they were at least permanent.

What a sad state of affairs when the love we once knew flies out the window. Or does it fly? Perhaps we say and do things that push it out the door. God intended for marriage to last a lifetime. I have a large number of books and tapes written by individuals that are smarter and better educated than I in the area of relationships. Dr. Gary Smalley, Love is a Decision; Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Ten Things Men Do to Ruin Their Lives, Ten Things Women Do to Ruin Their Lives; Dr. Kevin Layman, Sex Begins in the Kitchen, Because Love Is an All Day Affair; Kara Oh, Men Made Easy; Dr. Charles Swindoll, Strike the Original Match and many more. In these books are case after case siting the hurting, cutting, hateful things husbands do and say to their wives and wives do and say to their husbands. Some times a friend or counselor can point out the error of their ways, showing that they are not accepting their spouse for who God made them to be, or being disrespectful.

One case from Dr. Laura Schlessinger goes like this: A woman was talking with her best friend and has asked her a question and then quickly added, "I hope I haven’t offended or irritated you, I wouldn’t want to do anything to lose your friendship." Her friend replied, "You could never offend or irritate me, unlike my husband." The first woman realized that her friend was not kidding. She, then, realized that she had more regard for the feelings of her friend than she did her husband. Many of us treat total strangers with more dignity and respect then we do the one person in our life who should be our number one priority, our spouse.

One of the best examples of lack of respect (I would call it spouse abuse) can be found on almost every episode of the Cosby Show. Cliff Huxtable is a successful physician, an obstetrician to be precise. He works hard to support his family and has given his wife and family a nice home and has encouraged his wife to become a successful lawyer. And yet, she treats him as if he can do nothing right, as totally inept as a father, husband, man and even in his roll as a physician. What might seem like fun on the outside, seems controlling, mean spirited, and disrespectful. Why he would continue in such a relationship is hard to understand, unless he is a masochist (one who loves pain and degradation).

What’s my point? We should be going out of our way to treat our significant other with dignity and respect. We should weigh the cost of what we are tempted to do and say to and/or about our significant other against predictable outcome of our words and actions.