In the last Key to Life article I presented for your approval, I told about the differences between the male and female brains. And the characteristics of the male and female which these brain differences contributed to.

In this article I will try to point out the socialization differences between boys and girls and some of the characteristic differences that socialization makes in the sexes. Again, I want to assure you that I have gleaned these things from the writings of individuals who are smarter, better educated and more experienced than I: John Gray, Ph. D., Barbara De Angelis, Ph. D., Gary Smalley, Ph. D., Laura Schlessinger, Ph. D., among others.

From the time of birth and through out their formative years, boys and girls are socialized differently. From the very beginning, baby girls are handled, touched, and spoken to more often than baby boys. Baby boys are allowed to cry longer than girls. At one time it was impossible to predict the sex of a baby, you had to wait until the baby was born to know if it was a boy or a girl. A lady planning to buy a shower gift would carefully chose a neutral color for any baby clothing, BECAUSE you simply can’t put pink on a little boy. A girl can wear blue, or any other color under the sun, but don’t put a warm color on a little boy.

Little girls get baby dolls and, if she wants, a truck, for Christmas. What do little boys get? Trucks, baseball bats, footballs and such. If we do give a boy a doll, its a GI Joe Action Figure.

Girls are allowed to cry and express every strong emotion. BUT boys are not given that leeway. A boy was a member of a little league ball team. The game had come to the last inning and this boy came to bat, the last one in the game. He struck out and as a result his team lost the game by one run. As he and his dad rode home from the game the boy started to cry. His father told him, "Stop that blubbering. Men don’t cry."

How often are little girls indulged in their emotional demonstrations and boys are told to "suck it up and act like a man"?

It also seems that boys are not allowed to fail. They are encouraged from the earliest days to WIN, WIN, WIN.

Women are comfortable expressing their feelings and society allows them to express them: fear, anger, happiness, love, tenderness, gentleness, anxiety, frustration, sadness, fatigue, exasperation, affection, and on and on. Men are not comfortable and are, for the most part, not allowed to express their feelings. There are a few exceptions to this: Anger and frustration are just about the only feelings a man is allowed to show. If he does show one of the more tender feelings, he is ridiculed as being a sissy or as not measuring up to a man.

It is not that men don’t have all these feelings, they have been socialized into suppressing and denying them. This, coupled with the pattern of brain damage in the male, makes expressing emotions and feelings extremely difficult for a man. And yet, there is a great need for a man to be allowed to feel and express those feelings. This can only be done in a very safe environment.

Ask yourself this question, if I see a woman crying and there is someone comforting her, what do I think? Probably nothing more than a little curiosity. Now ask yourself this question, if I see a man crying what do I think? Probably that there has been some major catastrophe in his life. Why the difference? Because men are not allowed to show deep emotions.

If a woman will give her man the support he needs, the safe environment, the acceptance and love, and permission, a man can begin to get in touch with his feelings and express them. However, a man will shut down and stop sharing if his feelings are ridiculed, questioned, or rejected.