"And let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33)

This is for the ladies. I am going back to Kara Oh’s book, Men Made Easy.

She begins chapter three with a list of things that women don’t like about men. Let me give you a few examples:"They’re smelly." "They’re hairy." "They’re in charge."

"They’re rude." "They make war." "They don’t respect women."

"They leave." "They cheat." "They won’t talk."

"They don’t call." "They can’t find things." "They don’t feel their emotions."

When you look at this list, what do you notice? The first thing is that several of the items are unfair stereotypes that really don’t apply to the average guy, such as:

"They’re in charge." "They’re rude." "They make war."

"They don’t respect women." "They leave." "They cheat."

Another thing about the list is that some of them are characteristics of being a man, such as:

"They’re hairy." "They won’t talk." "They don’t feel their emotions."

The charge that they are smelly comes from being hard workers.

Is it fair to disrespect men because of those things that are just because God made them men? Is it fair to disrespect men because you attribute something that is probably not true of any particular individual?

How would a woman feel if she were disrespected because she has breasts? Or because she speaks in a high voice? Or because she isn’t as strong as a man? It really wouldn’t be fair, would it?

One woman commented, "If you’re thinking men aren’t okay the way they are, you’re not available to love them, not really. The men react by building defensive walls around themselves, and guess what? ––They’re not available to love you either."

Then Kara revealed something about men, "Men need to feel understood and accepted for who they are. If a man doesn’t feel understood, he gets frustrated. If he doesn’t feel like a woman is even interested in learning to understand him, and continues to judge him, he gets defensive. And rightfully so. Men complain that women don’t really want to hear what they have to say. That’s interesting, isn’t it? ––Since most women complain that men don’t talk to them enough."

"A man wants a woman who accepts him and likes him. When a woman constantly reminds a man he’s not okay as he is, he becomes so guarded that he’s not open to love. He shuts down. If he’s married, his heart hardens and the love he felt in the beginning of his marriage dries up. The wife wonders what happened, often blaming him for being less attentive and emotionally unavailable, compounding the problem."

Then Kara asks this question, "Have any of you ever wanted to or tried to change a man?"

Then she comments, "How many of you have fallen in love with a man’s potential? Or how often have you heard other women say, ‘I love everything about him except––fill in the blank––but when we get married I’ll get him to change’?" "Men know women want to change them . . . and they hate it. They absolutely hate it because it means we don’t think they’re okay the way they are."

Kara suggests that you "make a list of five masculine qualities you love about your husband or boyfriend. Then appreciate him for those qualities. And give him sincere compliments. Men get very little appreciation and few compliments. If you like how he looks, let him know. If you like something particular about his body––his muscles, chest, or broad shoulders––let him know. If he does something nice for you, tell him how it makes you feel. It’s so easy. Anything he’s good at that you admire and appreciate, tell him. Let him know when you’re proud of him. You’ll make him feel good because he’ll know he’s making you happy. You’ll find him wanting to please you. It makes him happy to make you happy."