Scripture says, "Husbands, love your wives" (Ephesians 5:25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28). "And let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Also "they admonish the young women to love their husbands" (Titus 2:4).

In his book, "Sex Begins in The Kitchen, Because Love Is an All Day Affair," Doctor Kevin Layman talks about filling each other’s love bank. He says that we are continuously making deposits and withdrawals from these love banks.

The problems come when we are making deposits in the other person’s love bank in currency that he or she does not recognize. For instance, in my last column I told about the man who gave his wife an anniversary card on the 27^th of every month for 40 years. She may not have thought of those cards as love currency. So while he thought he had made a considerable deposit in her love bank over the years, since it was not her currency, he was really over drawn.

If a wife perceives verbal affirmations as her love currency and her husband keeps brining her little gifts but says very little, her love bank account is going to be empty. She may have a house full of knick-knacks, but her love account will be at zero balance.

If a husband perceives back rubs and back scratches as his love currency, but his wife does not rub or scratch, no matter what else she may say or do, his love account will be at zero balance.

Now, I use these only as an illustration. Most people will have several currencies they recognize as a valid deposit in their love account. But, the only way to find out is to ask the other person.

This means we will have to talk to one another. Talk seriously about the things that matter to us. Talk honestly about how we feel. And we have to actively listen to the other person.

Maybe we will cover listening in the next column.