Scripture says, "Husbands, love your wives" (Ephesians 5:25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28). "And let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Also "they admonish the young women to love their husbands" (Titus 2:4).

In this column, as I said last time, I will talk about listening.

Conversation is the lifeblood of a relationship. Still, there is no conversation unless two things happen: Talking and Listening. It is what keeps us connected with the one person who should be the most important individual in our little world, our significant other.

Hearing is the action of the ear. It is automatic and involuntary. Here in the town of Julesburg, they tell me, we have a train go through about every fifteen to twenty minutes. Most people are not aware of the trains most of the time. Now, with the amount of noise a train makes, we almost have to hear it. However, because it is not important to us and we have grown accustomed to it, our brains filter the noise without bothering us.

We can do the very same thing with our spouse. If we have begun to take our spouse for granted, and what he or she has to say has become unimportant to us, our brains will filter out the noise just like the train.

Still, if we really love our spouse, we need to actively listen to what they have to say. What does it mean to listen? Well, for starters, turn off the television, put down the newspaper and look at the face of the person talking.

Hear what the other person is saying, without trying to think of what you’re going to say. Too often in our "conversations" we are so busy framing what we are going to say next, we miss the meaning of what the other person is saying.

Active listening is hard work. We have to clear our minds of prejudices, preconceptions, and biases. We need to take what they are saying and try to understand the meaning. One practice suggested by counselors, leaders, and other experts is to try to express what they have said in our own words and then say to the other person something like, "Now, as I understand it, you are saying. . . ." Then take this opportunity to reason out what the other person truly means.

Patience is a prime ingredient necessary for good listening. Some people can silently think out what they want to say and then say it in concise terms. However, many people are verbal thinkers. That is they have to talk around a subject in order to organize their own thoughts. When this kind of individual starts talking we might be tempted to blurt out, "Get to the point." But that is what they are trying to do.

So the keys to listening are working at understanding and patience. It is not easy, but if we love the other person, the effort tells them that we do love them, honor them, respect them and value them.