HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US
By James Parsons

Once upon a chill November
There came into the world some people
Who were young and sort of wrinkled
Having just been breathing fluids
And being squoze out of their Mothers

They grew up; their skin got smoother
They got taller and learned geometry
Which helped them later in New York City
To recognize the Flatiron Building
From its distinctive triangle shape

Stylish and beautiful and beloved by some
They lived a long time without being famous
Until their birthdays came around
The people cheered and threw a party
From Westchester to the Battery

They were nominated by the masses
To be the King and Queen forever
But they declined and took up jobs
As professional mob informants
But not without a certain irony

Hiding out in modest sublets
Furnished with unpainted Ikea
The horoscope for Scorpio
Hinted at auspicious times
Or perhaps some pleasant travel

Mid-November came and went
The people got a little older
But really it was no older than
Anyone else gets in 24 hours
It's just that the odometer kicks over

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MATT’S BIRTHDAY CHORUS

O' Matthew Scott Dick
Not too thin or thick
In college he used to show off his bare prick
And pee over his shoulder, which is quite a trick
But it's all in a day's work for Matthew Scott Dick

O' Scott Dick, Matthew
Not too many or few
Can do all the things that he knows how to do
He drinks beer that would make a lesser man spew
He's got quite a bladder our Scott Dick, Matthew

O' Dick, Matthew Scott
Not just some or a lot
But all of us wish that we had what he's got
A new birthday poem without blemish or spot
For one lucky guy name of Dick, Matthew Scott

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FOR SUSAN GENTRY

Happy Birthday dearest Susan
Ragtop down you're going cruising
Baby's in your arms all snoozing
Make a wish for what you're choosing
You can only win, no chance of losing

Wish you well
As you can tell
Immunity from baby smells

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FOR KYLE ALTMANN

Kyle Kyle Crocodile
Birthday barge upon the Nile
Filled with sweets and creamy cakes
and Cleopatra's dreamy dates
Ran aground in Arkansas
And spilled out across the the campusas

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BABELFISH BIRTHDAY WISH

Feliz Cumpleaños
Villavicencio, Carlos
You're a cool cat
Gato fresco
And I'm sure that
You're approved by UNESCO

Soplo fuera de las velas
Haga un deseo con sus quijadas y mandíbulas
That almost makes no sense alas

Happy Birthday Carlos!

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FOR LIAM YORE

Liam, on this special day
Though some may waver, some may stray
Your true friends will never sway
From thinking that you might be gay
From feeling that despite your child
And the lovely woman sweet and mild
Whom you adore with passion wild
There's another number you might have dialed
Despite your piloting a plane
Your motorcycling insane
We can't quite shake this nagging pain
That you'd rather be dancing in the rain
"Not that there's anything wrong with that"
If secretly you want a cat
And applique flowers on a welcome mat
While you laugh at celebrities getting fat
We'd like to think that this charade
Won't keep you from your life's parade
Of your gay pride proudly displayed
Perhaps emblazoned on your windshield shade
So anyway, you rascal you
Happy Birthday through and through
And to your secret lover, who
Might be Siegrfreid and/or Roy, too

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DAY OF SIGNIFICANCE

Happy Anniversary (ninth) to Matt and Beth

Happy Happy Anniversary
From office park to children's nursery
Nine years long and getting stronger
Like the slapshot of the Blues' Chris Pronger

Happy Birthday (eighth) to James Barton III

Happy Happy Happy Birthday
So much has changed since you had your first day
At the time you came alive and kickin'
We'd barely buried Richard Nixon

and happy seven-month-day to Alex

Happy Un-Birthday
Spittle drool spittle
Cough spurt gurgle
Baby bottle nipple

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FOR EVA VILLAVICENCIO

[sotto voce]
Eva!
Eva!
Eeeva.
Eeeevaaa.
Evaevaevaeva.
Gooble boogle boogle Eva!
Nooogie nooogie noooooggle!
Happy Birthday, Eva.

Someday, Eva, you'll be an old woman.
You'll have kids and a family of your own.
Someday, Eva, you'll say "oogle oogle."
You'll forget how to talk sometimes when you're grown.
But for now, darling Eva, everything is jake.
You can even poop and pee while you eat your cake.

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MARGOT’S BIRTHDAY POEM, Vol. 3

Margot is three years old today
She is the Queen of all she surveys
Margot can have all the ice cream and cake
She can swim in pudding and chocolate shakes

Margot the Queen is beautifully dressed
She can have silk ribbons and all the best
Colors of pink and purple and green
She is more beautiful than you've ever seen

If she wants ponies to ride on, they'll come
And if she wants elephants then she can have some
She can have lions and tigers and more
And if she insists, she can have unicorns

Every wish for dear Margot is sure to come true
Even if all she wishes for is chicken soup
Margot can fly away in a new blimp
Or she can visit with undersea shrimp

Her hair of gold and her skin of pearl
She is the world's most luckiest girl
She is the Queen of all she surveys
Margot is three years old today

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