“MASTERS OF ILLUSION”

(the b.s. is quicker than the eye)

by Kelly Clark — the lady in the pew — January, 2004

One of my favorite riding-the-subway activities is listening to other people’s conversations.

You might call this “eavesdropping.” I call it “getting an education.”

For example, a few days ago, two teenage girls were discussing a subway ad. A public service ad by a group promoting AIDS research, it read:

92% of women carry lip protection.

10% carry HIV PROTECTION.

The girls were — as was surely the intent of the message — shocked at the statistics. One asked crossly:

“How come these girls care more about their lips than their health?” Her companion, equally indignant, vowed to ask (or, in the vernacular, “axe,”) her younger sister if she “carried protection,” adding ominously that she knew she didn’t.

My interest was further piqued when an elderly lady, apparently as much into eavesdropping — er, I mean, education — as I am, leaned over and addressed the two young ladies.

“Every woman carries HIV protection.”

Now, this pronouncement elicited indignant denials from the two teenagers. They personally, they insisted, knew plenty of women who didn’t carry protection. As the clincher, one pointed triumphantly to the subway ad as proof positive. The older woman was unimpressed, stating flatly:

“That ad is a lie.”

Hmmm. This was getting even more interesting. As one in the field myself, I understand that sometimes some truth-stretching goes on in the ad biz (not in my shop, naturally), and I wondered if the woman had some inside information on the statistics the AIDS research group used. It didn’t seem likely, but you never know.

“How do you know it’s a lie?” one of the girls challenged. The other went one further, her voice rising.

(The thing about subway conversations, in my neighborhood anyway, is that they often tend to involve increasingly rising voices. I’m all for this phenomenon, as it makes getting an education all that much easier!)

“You say all women carry HIV protection, huh? Well, I’m here to tell you my purse ain’t got no protection in it, lady, whaddya think of that?”

I was curious to see how the older woman was going to handle that one. Quickly, I hoped, since my stop was coming up.

“Who said anything about purses?” came the calm response. “Baby? You’re carrying all the protection you need in your head!”

At this point it was time for me to get off.

And as I stepped onto the platform I mentally slapped myself upside my own head.

Of course!

The subway ad is convincing because it creates an illusion: the illusion being that HIV protection is limited to physical devices; much like lip protection from the elements is limited to items like sun block or Chapstick®.

Which is nonsense, of course. The old lady was right. That young girl, all young girls, all women, all men, all of us carry the ultimate HIV protection inside our heads. We can use our heads, our brains, our reason, to say “no” to sex. It’s so simple. But like so many self-evident facts, it gets muddied up by the clever use of illusion.

If they don’t tell you upfront that it’s an illusion, guess what? It’s called a lie.

I say this emphatically because I’ve planned a special treat for you!

If you’re like me, you find sleight of hand, “magic” acts, the Art of Illusion — whatever you call it — fascinating, and fun! Just as long as you know, no matter how convincing the illusion appears, that it really is an illusion.

And so, without further ado, let me present to you —

::::::::::::::::::::::drum roll:::::::::::::::::::::

DAVID COPPERFIELD!

Now before you click on the link, I want you to promise me something: that you’ll come back and finish reading this article.

Okay, go ahead and have fun. Just close the Copperfield window when you’re done and let’s talk about it a bit more.

David Copperfield

Oh, good, you’re back!

Pretty cool, isn’t it? Did you figure out the gimmick? You probably did, but I confess, I didn’t. Not on my own. I had to ask somebody to explain it to me.

Now let’s talk about Mister Copperfield’s illusion, and other illusions.

What’s the difference among them?

Well, primarily, illusionists like David Copperfield come right out and tell you that you’re experiencing an illusion. Others — like the subway ad makers mentioned earlier — don’t bother to do that. They’re content with using the tools of illusion to disseminate deceit.

That’s not a good thing. Deception — or lying — never is.

Who are the masters of illusion around us?

Well, I know of a group based in upscale Newton, Massachusetts, which claims that it is “recognized as one of the most promising lay organizations to evolve in the Catholic Church.”

Recognized by whom? It doesn’t say. It evidently isn’t obliged to back up this claim. Why not? Because, in the true spirit of illusion, it appears to be backed up on at least a weekly basis. Anytime, anything happens within the Roman Catholic Church in Boston — from talks of parish closings to what the Archbishop has for bleepin’ breakfast — the reaction of this group is eagerly sought by the press and dutifully reported as if it is newsworthy.

This group claims to be “a worldwide organization of over 30,000 mainstream practicing Catholics from more than 40 U.S. states and 21 countries.”

What is the basis for this statement? The fact that the group — like our friends who created the subway ad — claims it to be truth. And that claim is repeated, over and over again, by the mainstream press.

Has anybody outside of this organization actually counted the membership? No. How could anybody do that, when the organization itself is Internet-driven? Membership is via e-mail.

I have at least two working e-mail addresses. I know people with five, seven, ten, or even more.

This group’s reality is actually “virtually reality,” which is defined as an “artificial environment.”

And that’s tailor-made for keeping an illusion looking like truth.

In an interview with the Cincinnati Enquirer on August 17, 2003, Voice of the Faithful™ founder James Muller stated:

“The Internet is a wonderful facilitator. When people say the laity doesn't have a chance against the hierarchy, I tell them: We have instruments now that we didn't have before. We are bringing the power of the Internet to bear on the Church. The Internet is a great equalizer agent against a hierarchy.”

Perhaps it is. But it’s also a great way to disguise the truth.

A friend of mine once went out with a guy she met on the Internet. How did it go? Let’s just say that her date’s Internet persona didn’t quite match up with what she encountered in real life.

“What is truth?”

Hey, knock Pilate all you want, but 2,000 years later, his question is still a good one. And one we’d best be able to answer.

We live in a world where “homosexual behavior cannot be a sin since God created gays.”

Where killing babies in the womb is defined as a “termination procedure.”

Where Catholic school children are exposed to educational programs with the Planned Parenthood — and the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops — stamp of approval.

Where kids on subways are encouraged to carry “protection” rather than to use their heads and exercise restraint.

Where homosexually active priests had “absolutely nothing” to do with the clergy sex abuse scandal, and where “Gay Wedding Planning” is a burgeoning new business in the Bay State.

I mean, sheesh!!!

How do we stop wallowing in a world of illusion?

Good news!

There’s an answer. Several, really good answers!

Like young Solomon, we can ask God for wisdom.

And we can nurture this wisdom through the great gifts of His Son’s Church.

We can glorify the Trinity in the frequent participation in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. We can frequently receive the Sacraments. We can make daily, if possible, visits to the Blessed Sacrament. We can ask, with confidence, help from Our Lady — Seat of Wisdom — and offer up our daily Rosaries for this intention.

Oh, there’s so much we can do to clarify and eliminate illusions. To protect ourselves, and our brothers and sisters, from the Prince of Lies and his minions.

Protection. Like the old lady said, we all carry it — inside our heads. And through the grace of God, it’s there whenever we need it.

(No matter how often the deck seems to be stacked against us!)

In Christ,

Kelly

Endnotes:

Thank you for visiting me! Please remember everyone mentioned or referred to in this article in your prayers. And remember me, too — as always, I need them.

May the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob bless you abundantly, today, and at every moment of your life.

And now for the fine print:

Kelly Clark is your basic nobody. She serves on no parish councils, belongs to none of the myriad of designer-chic "Catholic" groups, or any Catholic group, for that matter, other than the Roman Catholic Church. Holding no theology degrees, she has no desire to see herself or any of her sex wearing a clerical collar. She figures Jesus knew what He was doing when He established His Church, and also figures that it’s His Church, not hers, and not yours. She’s an ordinary parishioner of Cathedral of the Holy Cross, Boston.

Use the links on the left to e-mail Kelly, to visit her parish, read past columns, and check out other cool stuff. (If you don’t see any links on the left, you’ve probably been directed here by a search engine. Just point your browser to http://www.pewlady.com to get to the main site.)

Copyright: Kelly Clark, 2004. I don’t care if you share this stuff with others. In fact, I hope you do! Only I’d appreciate it if you’d link me, or print it off as it is. In other words, don’t change anything. Thanks.

“The Lady in the Pew” column is updated regularly, God willing. To be notified of updates, please e-mail me. The link’s on the left.

“Mary, Mother of the Church, pray for us.”