Bringing The Church “Down to Earth”

(“Earth to Church, Earth to Church: Prepare Your Descent, Please”)

The Lady in the Pew: November 1, 2002

Today’s Boston Globe brought forth still another grave and heinous charge against the Roman Catholic Church, specifically, the Archdiocese of Boston, namely:

(If you’re among the squeamish might want to bolster yourself for this horrendous revelation...are you ready? Okay.)

We don’t do public relations good!!!!!

Yes, indeed. The Globe, in reporting the reinstatement of Monsignor Michael Smith Foster (thank you, God, and blessings on you, Padre!) dutifully noted the egregious sin committed by my pastor, Bernard Cardinal Law.

His Eminence was tried and found guilty of Public Relations Abuse...apparently a mortal sin not yet covered in the Catechism, but gee, we all know how slow Rome can be.

In a flagrant disregard for what is, apparently, The First Commandment of the All Knowing, All Powerful Temple of The Media, Cardinal Law released the statement regarding Father Foster at:

Ten o’clock in the evening on Wednesday, October 30!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the horrors!!!

Now, for you innocents out there who are scratching your heads trying to figure out why, exactly, Cardinal Law should be burned at the stake at the very least for this hideous crime, let me introduce one of the Globe’s expert witnesses in Media Theology, a Ms. Karen Schwartzman. See how Ms. Schwartzman adroitly and brilliantly seals the prosecution’s case — and the Cardinal’s fate — with this pronouncement:

“Anybody who knows anything about public relations knows that a 10 p.m. release is designed for minimum exposure.”

Are you Catholics out there taking notes???? Now get this and get this straight:

Thou Shalt Not Release Statements to The Media at Ten O’Clock!

You got that? Then here’s another one:

Thou Shalt Not Question the Infinite Wisdom of The Boston Globe!

Yes indeed! As the story, with appropriately righteous indignation, points out, the Cardinal blatantly refused to heed the fact that the Globe had already decided that the guy accusing Father Foster was (probably) not telling the truth. How dare he ignore the Globe????

How dare the Cardinal pay any heed whatsoever to the new information brought forth by Father Foster’s accuser, when the Globe had already labeled said accuser as (probably) a liar.

What was the Cardinal trying to do????

“Uh...Kelly? Maybe he was trying to do the right thing?”

Good point. One the Globe and, one presumes, the not-so-merry band of men known collectively as “The Priests Forum” fail to appreciate. Read what “Priest Forum” executive (yes, you read the word correctly: “executive”) Reverend William Bullock has to say about handling cases of accused priests:

“It should not be left to the goodwill of religious superiors.”

Huh? But Father Bullock? If not your superiors, then who?

Ah! Executive Father Bullock has the answer:

“Outside consultants.”

Sheesh.

Who — or what — is the Boston “Priests Forum,” anyway?

Search me. From what I read in the papers and hear on the street, the group is a cross between a trade-union and a support group.

So what does that mean? That they spend half of their meetings figuring out how to out-smart “The Management” and then form a circle and sing “Michael Row the Boat Ashore?”

(Looking for information about “The Priests Forum” can be frustrating, by the way. Why? Because every time I do, I end up getting led to some snippet from the who-knows-where-they’re-coming-from-today-group known as “Voice of the Faithful.” Don’t ask me why. Wacky, isn’t it?)

Anyway, from what I can figure, The Forum’s got a chairman, a president, and various committees, including a “Leadership” committee.

Last time I looked, they haven’t affiliated themselves with the Teamsters’ yet. But there seems to be an overall concern about the “careers” of the members.

“Careers?” I thought the priestly life was called a “vocation.”

From the pew view, this is a big part of the confusion. What are we? Are we a Church? Are we the Church founded by Jesus Christ? Yes, we are.

But others seem to think we’re a corporation. What’s next? A strike?

“I’m very sorry, Kelly, but you won’t be getting a sermon today. You see, we haven’t worked out the sermon details in our contract yet.”

Sheesh.

“If Cardinal Law was a CEO in any American corporation, why, why...[insert righteous, albeit sputtering, conclusion here, preferably with dire overtones.]”

Why do I keep hearing that? Is that supposed to make any kind of sense?

Cardinal Law isn’t a CEO and the Church I belong to isn’t a corporation, American or otherwise.

And we’re not a “political” entity, either.

Yet the press, along with all those “voices” who, quite frankly, are all beginning to sound alike to me, keep insisting on labeling Catholics using secular, political, terms.

This one’s a “liberal.” That one’s a “conservative.” So-and-so’s a “right-winger,” while this other fellow is “radical.”

And then of course we have the more “moderate” element.

What hogwash!

You can’t slap a “political label” on a Catholic! It won’t stick! And you’ll end up with egg on your face. Try calling a particular bishop a “right-winger” and don’t be surprised if to find out he’s been spending his evenings nursing AIDS patients. You don’t believe me? Then you don’t know much about, for instance, John Cardinal O’Connor.

Try honoring a nun for her “liberal” view of feeding the hungry, and she might just call you a citizen of the “poorest country in the world” because we tend to kill unborn kids. Find that hard to swallow? Then you don’t know much about, for instance, Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

And for those of you who feel comfortable calling yourself a “moderate” Catholic, here’s a news flash for you:

There’s no such thing as a “moderate” Catholic!

In describing “Voice of the Faithful” and “The Boston Priests Forum,” Boston Herald columnist James F. O’Brien piously notes that “neither can be called revolutionary.”

That’s the bleepin’ problem! By definition, as Father Carr once put it from the Cathedral of the Holy Cross pulpit, Catholics are supposed to be revolutionary!

“`Revolutionary?’ How?”

Well, for openers, we’re pretty big on — or we’re supposed to be — that revolutionary concept known as “forgiveness.” Now the world has set forth certain guidelines for forgiveness. We don’t. We don’t wait for someone to, say, “come up for parole” before pardoning. Heck, we don’t even wait to be asked for it. We give it freely.

(At least, we’re supposed to.)

Unlike corporate gift-giving departments, we give freely to those who don’t have as much as we do, without necessarily considering the tax implications!

And we give, without “strings attached.” And without anticipating some sort of earthly “recognition” in return.

(At least, we’re supposed to.)

I’m writing this on All Saints Day. In today’s Second Reading, Saint John writes: “The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him.”

“Him,” being Jesus. The One who forgave His crucifiers while hanging on the cross.

The One, who, among a slew of other revolutionary notions, told us to forgive without ceasing. To fast in secret. To give alms without sending out press releases about it.

“Uh, Kelly? Isn’t it about time to wrap this up, preferably with a point?”

Gotcha. Okay, here’s my pew view:

There are people — many people, and many of them with great intentions — who are trying to bring the Body of Christ “down to earth.” And they are succeeding. We are spending our (very limited) time here learning the ABCs of everything from Good Public Relations to Winning the Power Struggle to “voting with our pocketbooks.” In short, we’re building up our own earthly kingdoms...even though we’ve been told a zillion times that the real kingdom is “not of this world!”

“Earth to Kelly: prepare for your descent, please.”

No, but thanks anyway.

Sinner that I am, it’s enough of a struggle to keep my soul focused upward. So if it’s all the same to you, would you quit trying to bring it “down to earth?”

And now for the fine print:

Kelly Clark is your basic nobody. She serves on no parish councils, belongs to none of the myriad of designer-chic "Catholic" groups, or any Catholic group, for that matter, other than the Roman Catholic Church. Holding no theology degrees, she has no desire so see herself or any of her sex wearing a clerical collar. She figures Jesus knew what He was doing when He established His Church, and also figures that it’s His Church, not hers, and not yours. She’s an ordinary parishioner of Cathedral of the Holy Cross, Boston. Use the links on the left to e-mail Kelly, or to visit her parish.

Copyright: Kelly Clark, 2002. I don’t care if you share this stuff with others. In fact, I hope you do! Only I’d appreciate it if you’d link me, or print it off as it is. In other words, don’t change anything. Thanks.

“The Lady in the Pew” column is updated weekly, God willing. To be notified of updates, please e-mail me. The link’s on the left.

“Mary, Mother of the Church, pray for us.”