“Ah, Sweet Ministry of Life!”
(what a bleepin’ crock)
by Kelly Clark — the lady in the pew — November, 2004
When my husband died, family and friends gathered around me from far and wide. They brought food. They brought prayers. They brought comfort.
But not one brought a certificate identifying himself as a bona fide “Bereavement Minister.” Was I duped by imposters????
I know a lady who, indefatigably, visits the sick, the dying, the lonely.
Without the credentials of a genuine “Visitation Minister.” How dare she!
Also: I have in my hand the names of people who dare to teach their children, and other children, the fundamentals of the Catholic Faith and — brace yourself — they bear no certificates proclaiming them to be “Youth Ministers” nor “Ministers of Religious Education.”
How shocking. Worse, how “un-Vatican II.”
Without further ado, I give you still another piece of inanity, courtesy of the Archdiocese of Boston:
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“The Archdiocesan Institute for Ministry”
To whom participants are exposed to “an excellent instructor with a Vatican II outlook.” (As oppossed to, one supposes, those with a “lousy instructor with a Council of Trent outlook.” Who writes this stuff?)
Anyway, the “Institute” exists, or so it claims, for the “formation and training of lay men and women for leadership roles in the Church.”
From my view in the pew, the “Institute’s” mission — or should I say “ministry?” — is to (for a price) make any Tom, Dick, or Mary feel more important than you or me.
Today, the simple acts of visiting the sick or consoling the grieving, for example, are apparently meaningless unless the visitor or consoling one bears the title of “minister.” And gets a nice, important looking “certificate” — suitable for framing — with which to impress the heck out of us Lesser Mortals.
Ridiculous? Yes. But also as dangerous as the devil.
The head of “The Institute” is Mr. William Dittich. It appears that Mr. Dittrich wears several “ministerial” hats.
For openers, William Dittrich is actively involved in “Voice of the Faithful’s™” “Structural Change Working Group.”
Translation: Mr. William Dittrich is working tirelessly to change the structure of the Roman Catholic Church.
How? Well, according to the group’s Founding Parents, something on the order of the United States Constitution would do quite nicely.
Fancy that. You don’t like a particular teaching of the Church? Why then, let’s “amend” the Church’s “constitution” to change that teaching. Or, perhaps the Church’s “judicial branch” can create a new law, overturning the undesirable teaching.
“Catholics (including, evidently, Mr. Dittrich) Speak Out”
“Catholics Speak Out” — still another tiresome, whining, and just plain stupid group of people with ‘way too much time on their hands — has its own “ministry.” They — uh — speak out.
Prior to the last election, the Speaker Outers ran an ad. Some nuggets:
“Since the bishops don’t consult the laity, religious, or priests, we members of the Roman Catholic Church take this opportunity to speak directly to our fellow Catholics and to politicians of all parties about the issues we think are important to the common good.”
Two of “Catholics Speak Out” positions:
“Support full civil rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons.”
And,
“Make effective contraceptives, including emergency contraception, easily available to poor people.”
Among the signatories? A Bill Dittrich from Massachusetts. Sheesh.
“Wouldn’t replacing the Institute’s director solve the problem, Kelly?”
No.
Abolishing the entire “Archdiocesan Institute for Ministry” would be a step in the right direction, though.
Hey, I’m not exactly thrilled with a guy like Bill Dittrich working for the Archdiocese, given his apparent beliefs. It doesn’t send me into ecstasy, knowing that some foolish people, including pastors (gasp!), might actually “take advantage” of his “Institute’s” silly programs. And it sure as bleep doesn’t help me sleep well at night knowing that, under his direction, would-be Catholic Religious Education teachers are receiving “training.”
I think Bill Dittrich and all the other Bill Dittrichs in our world — those who are Hell-bent (and, make no mistake, I mean that literally) intent on turning members of The Body of Christ into a bunch of certificate holding egomaniacs — are in need of your prayers and my prayers, big time.
But I don’t think he, nor his compadres, are the main problem at all.
The real problem is the “Archdiocesan Institute for Ministry” itself, and the mind-set that establishes idiotic programs just like it.
What “mind-set?” you may well ask. And I shall try to answer.
The mind-set that tells the hierarchy — and the last I looked, the Roman Catholic Church, even in America, is still hierarchical — that the folks in the pews must “feel empowered.”
The one that turns otherwise (presumably) sane bishops into men absolutely terrified of “offending” the laity.
The “Archdiocesan Institute for Ministry” is a perfect symbol of what’s lacking in the Roman Catholic Church: that would be Somebody in Charge. Like, for example, a bishop.
By creating an endless line of pseudo “leaders,” the Church is, in fact, rendering the laity without protection against itself: like “sheep in need of a shepherd.”
The mantle of “ministry,” of “leadership” — phony as it is — can be heady stuff. Keep telling a fellow that he’s a “leader” and guess what? He’ll come to believe it.
Thanks to programs like the “Archdiocesan Institute for Ministry,” anybody can become a Church Leader. All it takes is a few hundred bucks and the willingness to sit through a few (probably boring) “sessions” and hey, presto! You’re a “Minister of Fill-In-The-Blank,” with a pretty certificate to prove it.
And once you’re a leader — the world (this one, anyway) is your oyster!
You can meet with other “leaders” and “change the Church.” You can write newspaper columns (or better yet, have columnists write about you!).
You can “speak out” on any topic you choose. You can question Church teaching on anything from divorce to abortion and nobody will admonish you.
You can stamp your unwashed, female feet on Holy Thursday and demand an apology from the Archbishop for neglecting to give you a pedicure.
On Good Friday, you can defiantly eat a meatloaf sandwich for the benefit of a anti-Catholic newspaper, to demonstrate your contempt for the Church As It Stands Now. (That would be the Church that Christ — not you — founded and Heads.)
Feeling your middle-age a bit, are you? Not a problem! You can dust off those old love beads, retrieve that guitar gathering dust in the attic, practice a little “We Shall Overcome” and have a great old time organizing “sit-ins” for vulnerable parishioners, thereby garnering even more followers for yourself.
In fact, if you make enough noise, break enough rules, and “lead” others into doing the same, you might well find yourself as a sought-after “dialogue partner.”
Good grief.
“Okay, Kelly, enough ranting. What’s the answer?”
Search me. I almost didn’t finish this column because I don’t have the answer, or any answer.
You can write or call the Folks In Charge and find out that they really aren’t In Charge.
You can rant and rave — something I do quite well — and find out that nobody gives a bleep.
Or you can pray.
I’ve done all three. I hope you do the same. Especially the latter.
And speaking of prayer?
If you’re reading this, you are in mine. As is everybody mentioned in this column.
As for me? I beg yours. Ask Jesus to bless us.
He will. And through His grace, we will not be flattered nor seduced nor fooled into thinking that we — or any of our fellow pew folk — are “entitled” to any power other than the Magisterium of the Church grants us.
Thank you for reading this. And thank you for your prayers. I pray for you all the time.
In Christ,
Kelly
Endnotes:
Thanks to Dom for the dope on much of this stuff.
http://bettnet.dyndns.org/blog
For more information on “The Archdiocese Institute of Ministry,” go here:
And now for the fine print:
Kelly Clark is your basic nobody. She serves on no parish councils, belongs to none of the myriad of designer-chic "Catholic" groups, or any Catholic group, for that matter, other than the Roman Catholic Church. Holding no theology degrees, she has no desire to see herself or any of her sex wearing a clerical collar. She figures Jesus knew what He was doing when He established His Church, and also figures that it’s His Church, not hers, and not yours. She’s an ordinary parishioner of Cathedral of the Holy Cross, Boston.
Use the links on the left to e-mail Kelly, to visit her parish, read past columns, and check out other cool stuff. (If you don’t see any links on the left, you’ve probably been directed here by a search engine. Just point your browser to http://www.pewlady.com to get to the main site.)
Copyright: Kelly Clark, 2004. I don’t care if you share this stuff with others. In fact, I hope you do! Only I’d appreciate it if you’d link me, or print it off as it is. In other words, don’t change anything. Thanks.
“The Lady in the Pew” column is updated regularly, God willing. To be notified of updates, please e-mail me. The link’s on the left.
“Mary, Mother of the Church, pray for us.”
