NO Review, the blog - 2009
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October 14, 2009
Short story: Mom arrived safely and all is
well. Long story: very, very busy day. (Which is one of the
things this blog is good for: continuing my short Facebook
posts.)
So. Dropped the kids at school as per usual
(except that we drove). Came home and intended to get groceries
and finish cleaning the house, but found A's homework on the table I
was supposed to translate into French. [They're doing a
multi-lingual chain story where each child adds a new sentence or two
knowing only the one sentence before both in English and another
language. So I had to translate "Then a giant monster jumped out
and ate Sophia. The puppies ran away." But French isn't so
familiar to me that it was easy. I relied on my resources, those
being a French-English dictionary and an internet translator. Of
course, I wanted a true translation rather than some of the awkward
crap that the internet can provide, so I was looking up synonyms and
trying out tenses on the computer to check myself. Ended up with
"Alors, un monstre enorme bondi et mangea Sophia. Les chiots
fui." But I got there by way of "huge," "burst out," "leapt out"
and "fled."] And of course, when I went to use the computer, FB
was up and lurking with new posts I hadn't read. So didn't get
groceries or the dishes done then. I did tidy more though.
Then, drove back to B's school and we walked the
couple of blocks to his orthodontist appointment. He got
photographs, 2 sets of x-rays (the machine didn't go low enough so he
knelt on a chair and held very still), upper and lower impressions in a
quick-setting green slime, and a wax bite impression. We return
in two weeks for upper-jaw braces. He'll likely have that crooked
tooth turned in about six months.
Once that was done we ran back to A's school and
picked him up, ran back to the car, and drove to Schiphol airport to
pick up mom, who was waiting at the Hertz rental car area. I'd
planned to park in the parking lot that joins the aiport right where
she was waiting, but it was full, so went to P2 instead and trekked
in. She was enthusiastically greeted, we used the toilet [okay,
I've clearly been here so long that I've actually become comfortable
hearing and using that word. We Americans never actually mention
the piece of porcelain we use. We "go to the bathroom" even when
there's no bathtub. "Toilet" is gross, somehow. The Dutch,
of course, use toilet when they mean toilet. Tiny room with
toilet and miniscule sink? That's the toilet. Signs read
"Toilets." They understand when you say "vay-say" (short French
for WC or watercloset) or "loo," that you really just mean
"toilet." Can't tell you what they think when you ask for the
bathroom, though.], paid for parking and drove home.
Since we were completely out of fruit and veg, I
skipped out and did the grocery shopping I'd meant to do earlier and
left B playing ball in the playground next door, and A reading to his
grandma. By the time I returned, B had his nose in a new book and
didn't notice I was back and mom was back in her winter jacket falling
asleep on the couch between A asking her questions about the five most
common biting dog breeds or the 7 types of birds that can't fly.
I put food away, grabbed a snack and the bags, and we headed back out
the door.
Swimming first, where we watched the boys through
the one-way mirror, then snack and dress for soccer, where we watched
from the front seat of the car. Then home again, for dinner
(chicken pot pie for us and rainbow peanut noodles for the boys).
Then it was bedtime. Snuggled, wrestled, read, and then put
everyone else to bed, including the cat, so I could sit here in peace
in the dark, typing. I haven't heard from C yet today. His
training in London is scheduled from 8:30 in the morning until 10:30 at
night (plus homework) so he's kind of catching me when he can at dinner
time or the like. He's having a great time with a very enjoyable
group of people, but I'll be glad when he's back home on Friday.
The boys' parent-teacher conferences were this
week. No surprises, except perhaps that Ms. L has no problems
getting A's attention in class. I must simply have acquired the
mom-voice that doesn't register on his internal radio without
additional input (volume, repetition, or touch).
I learned that we're firmly in the catchment area
for our old school's new attendance area, so shouldn't have to fight
anyone to get the boys back there. Also discovered that early
registration started this month, so need to find out how easy or
difficult it will be to slip back into being officially back next fall.
I will be selling holiday cloth bags at the
Christmas Bazaar this year in mid-November, and also as much grape
jelly I can get turned from juice by then. Mom said she didn't
come to be helpful this time, but I think (hope) she meant she wasn't
here helping with a major move or birth or something on that
scale. Except for leftovers not going quite as far, I think
she'll be helpful just by being here!
Wanted to get this down too: Shopping
carts. It wasn't until C said something that I realized why I was
walking funny with them in the parking lot. Depending on the
incline, I'd have to lean and kind of push the cart sideways. The
back wheels aren't fixed direction like I am used to in the
States. All of the wheels spin completely around. This
gives extra maneuverability in the tiny aisle spaces of the grocery
store, but it does make for some funny walking in the parking
lot. It makes sense in the US to have more control in the huge
parking lots, and in the Netherlands to have more control inside the
crowded store, because there isn't much need of the other.
Okay, the yawns are cracking my face wide open too,
so I should trundle off to take out my contacts and crawl into bed like
all the other mammals in the house (apparently I can't speak for any
insects and arachnids). Oy, to bed already!
October 6,
2009
I am inordinately proud I washed the dishes right
after dinner the last two nights in a row. A consummately skilled
dish-stacker (as roomies can attest), I was pleased at how fast it went
when I didn't have a week's worth. Seriously, I can stack a
week's worth of pans, cutting boards, utinsels, plastic containers, and
bowls in a tiny space such that it doesn't LOOK like there are all that
many dishes to do. But they keep coming at you. I can stack
them clean in a tiny space too (all good since I'm in a tiny kitchen at
the moment), balanced precariously against each other and requiring a
bit of Sokoban to get the dry dishes out of the pile the next
day. So I've been getting the satisfaction of having NO dishes to
do to the right of my sink several nights running. Way too dang
soon to call it a habit, but the possibility of it being one is now
more than simply a fantastical intellectual exercise. When I was
growing up, the four of us would split after-dinner chores such that
one of us washed, one rinsed, one dried, and one wiped and swept.
Rinsing, obviously, was the most desirable, though we also had the
responsibility of quality control. This wasn't as much of an
issue after dinner as it was when dad washed dishes without his
contacts in. It was a very enjoyable way to get the dishes done,
and between actually working together and the Free To Be You And Me
song "Housework,"
it's
always
been
something
I wanted to do together when I had a family
of my own. We've tried a few times to get something going.
The closest we got was the kids rotating wiping the table and sweeping
or vacuuming under the table. Sometimes they wanted to help do
dishes, but the time it took to do the big pile was too much for them
to get to the end of.
October 5, 2009
I succeeded in making a bunch of calls (which I hate
doing, especially
here) and setting up dentists, docs, and window repair folks. A
great
weight has fallen off my back. Getting through some of the
hardest parts of my to do list really makes the rest of it seem
achievable. It reveals the light there at the end of the
tunnel. My niece posted recently that she has everything on her
to do list done for the first time in her life. I can't quite
imagine such a situation for myself. There is too much that I add
whenever it is no longer overwhelming; there are so many fun
possibilities I commit myself to, if only in my head.
October 3, 2009
I really like cooking with C. Tonight we
combined to make Chicken Teriyaki, Rice, Spinach with Asian Spices, and
Beet Roesti. Yum! Plus, while he cleaned up, I put the
bones on the stove for chicken stock and put up three batches of grape
jelly. Oh yeah, and before dinner made 40 days worth of dog
treats. Also today the boys had a soccer game, the first
with A playing keeper, and C and I spent our requisite volunteer day
helping out in the club's front office - each of us watched one half of
the game. B played mid-field and created a lot of opportunities
that the team couldn't convert into a score, but did a lot to keep the
game on the opposing team's field, preventing A from having much work
to do. End score was nil-nil. Afterwards, the boys had a
playdate, so C and I shopped for groceries, played, and worked
alongside each other until they came home. C worked on expense
reports and I on class mum stuff. Full day. Nice day.
Yesterday was the sixteenth anniversary of the First
Annual
Car-Painting, Tie-Dying, Ethnic-Food Pot-Lucking, Game-Playing
Extravaganza. My roommates and I hosted a very fine party, and I
met
C, who brought a chicken curry and played an impressive game of
hearts. Sixteen short years later and here we are together: a
family
of four tie-dyed, dedicated gamers who cook together and host (but own
no painted cars - that's always been the difficult one). Thanks,
love. I adore making my life together with you.
We recently got a new Wii game: Pro Evolution Soccer
(PES) 2009. I'm very impressed with how it looks and feels to me
as an observer while AB&C play. I love the announcers, the
crowd noise, the replays, and the player reactions to near-misses and
getting a red or yellow card. It looks and feels like a real
broadcasted football match. I can't speak to game play, but the
idea was to get the boys some better ideas about how to play the game,
and they really do seem to be learning techniques, rules, and
strategies as they're having fun. C played his first game last
night and had so many players red-carded that the match was forfeited
in the middle. A said C really needed to learn to slide-tackle,
but I think he meant to slide-tackle without fouling.
In less than two weeks, my mom is coming out to stay
for a month. We're all very excited. Lots to do in
preparation. Since I've got a morning commitment every day except
Monday next week, I'm glad that tomorrow is still the weekend.
Now to get to bed so tomorrow is a nice, full, satisfying day too.
September 24, 2009
A is now a proud Cub Scout and B couldn't wait to
finish his homework story - something so clearly inspired by a Bill
Cosby sketch (ICEcream!) that it prompted a discussion about
plagiarism. And I replaced the light in the bathroom so all is bright
again.
September 22, 2009
Our grapes produced a mighty harvest this year
compared to last. I have 22 peanut butter jars full of juice in the
freezer, 7 quart jars and 28 pasta sauce jars (450 ml) vacuum sealed on
the shelf and 6 1/2 jars of jelly made. So that's a total of 33 quarts
of juice this year. Last year I got only 4. The plan is to make
lots of jelly and sell it at the Christmas Bazaar (and give away what
won't sell) as well as make juice popsicles and drink grape juice
throughout the year. My biggest problem is that I'm out of
jars. I need to have more pasta with red sauce just so I can turn
the jars of juice into jars of jelly. I'm thinking I will move to
the pectin sugar they sell here once I get close to using up my
imported pectin supply as well. Took a few photos for a label as
well; the grapes were really beautiful this year, plump purple globes
thick and heavy on the vine... if they were seedless grapes there
wouldn't have been nearly as many for juicing. My pruning can't
take all the credit; I'm sure that the weather contributed to the
difference in harvests as well. I certainly hope so, because I'm
not sure who (if anyone) will be here to harvest in September next year
and it's nearly pruning time again.
September 14, 2009
Extra Dutch classes have started for the boys (you
know, so they can
talk to each other in a secret language). Swimming, soccer,
drama,
Scouts. Now they have only two afternoons free from
extracurriculars
(until art starts up again). Still, busier makes us all happier
than
our first six month here without any of that. Can you still call
me a soccer mom if we go everywhere on bikes instead of in a minivan?
September 7, 2009
Cool crisp day, sharp and warm in the sun, but cool
in the shade. The seasons are turning. Feels like
fall. The sky isn't light when my alarm goes off. The kids
don't need their shades pulled to go to sleep. Leaves are
collecting on the ground. The grapes are sweeter and riper and
insisting that I need to harvest and juice them very soon.
Peaches and corn need to follow me home into my basement too. And
I need to take my three cricket bat zucchinis in to be grated (by hand,
unfortunately) and frozen as well. Spare time. Right.
We were in Berlin this past weekend, the four of
us. The dog was retrieved today, and the cat is just now
forgiving us, after a long night of scratching at the window despite
the open door two feet away, and flitting in and out every few seconds
to prove she could. Spent a lot of our time in Berlin sleeping
and feeling wiped out, but did get out to see some of the city, and the
zoo was enjoyed by all. Then we flew home and left C behind for
the week.
Time feels funny when C's away on business.
Slower and faster somehow. I am hoping to do a better job at
going to bed without him around than I did last week when he was in
Italy. Last night fell somewhere in between ideal and
disastrous. When I was little, my brother and I used to take
inordinate pride in cleaning while mom and dad were away. I still
have the desire to get lots done while I am alone, but this is
counteracted by many things. So many decisions are made for
stupid reasons, in my life as well as all others, in politics, in
sports, in games. As always, I work better if I have a plan
mapped out ahead of time. Tonight: Quicken, computer
catch-up. Tuesday: volunteer in the morning, more finances and
computer work, groceries, grapes. Wednesday: library work,
swimming, voetbal, writing. Thursday: Cleaning, C comes home,
Scouts. It looks manageable here. I know things will crop
up and balloon into bigger projects than I think they ought.
Dutch tutoring and drama begin next week. Well, the kids' lights
out time is in a few minutes. They have moved on from our Fox
Trot and Calvin and Hobbes collections and are trying out the ones we
have fewer of: One Big Happy and Rose is Rose are their reading books
of choice tonight.
September 2, 2009
I have blogged in the meantime. Just last week
I had composed a nice long post while the kids were at soccer
practice. Then one of the kids on the team came up to me and
asked me to tie his shoes. I quickly put the computer on the
ground next to me and when I picked it up again it had shut off.
Blast. I turned it on again just on the off chance that it hadn't
completely disappeared, but the program I use doesn't autosave.
All gone.
To sum up: School started the 19th. B
loves his new (male) teacher and enjoys his humor. A had a week
of substitutes while his regular teacher was off in the States for a
wedding, and is glad she is back. I have been working hard in the
library. Pulling hundreds of books for the various classes' new
units and getting the library ready for the year. Class mom work
has been pretty intensive at the beginning of the year as well. C
and I celebrated our anniversary (the starting point of my blog last
week) with fourteen years. Voetbal/soccer has started up, and the
first game this last Saturday was a 2-1 win with B scoring both
goals. We had a houseguest one weekend. C left during the
soccer match last weekend for Italy and just got back last night.
We head off for a weekend in Berlin on Friday and leave C there to work
the rest of the week.
To get detailed: Yesterday after school came
home and B did his spelling before joining A on the computers. I
did some computer e-mail work related to class mom stuff. Emptied
the dishwasher. Made Indian spiced salmon with mango and noodles
for dinner. C came home from Italy and went to work and so came
home just before dinner but was on the phone with work until the rest
of us had started and were fifteen minutes from leaving. Left for
the school's Parent Information Evening. Kids played while we
listened to headmaster and teachers explain their goals and method of
working for the year. Came home and fed the boys ice cream and
cookies then ran them upstairs for flossing, brushing and
rinsing. It was too late for a full chapter of The Secret Garden,
but they wrestled with their daddy and we read a few pages of Silly
Poems before they went to sleep. Came downstairs and watched an
espisode of CSI and sorted music at the same time, finishing up the
file I was working on while C fell asleep. Went upstairs to
bed. Woke up to loud meows and came downstairs to let the cat
in. Climbed back in bed and checked my phone/alarm clock for the
time: 5:06. It started beeping it was out of batteries, knew I
wouldn't be able to sleep with it beeping in my ear, so traipsed
downstairs again for the charger, disappointing the dog once again by
not giving him his morning treat. My alarm went off at six.
C's went off at his 6:00 several minutes later. Got up and went
downstairs to work on my e-mail. A came downstairs and we
snuggled for a while. I made scones and eggs because we were
completely out of peanut butter. A asked, "Why don't we have any
peanut butter?" C had time for eggs before he
left for work. Herded kids to school after packing only their
snack (we were completely out of fresh fruit as well - stuck half a
carrot in their snackboxes). In the garage A asked why I hadn't
yet pumped up the tires of the next bike up so he and his brother could
go to larger tires. Dropped A off and swung back to B's school
and then back to A's. Did the parental social dance and biked
home. Ran to the grocery store and bought much. Came home
and put food away and made three lunches, giving myself the salvaged
and shaved bits of apple that came back unwanted in lunchboxes.
Biked to schools and collected boys and sat behind the bench with A
where the wind blew leaves into our faces, but we were apparently safe
from bandits. B has to hide his lunches as well; apparently I
pack appealing food. Biked home. Biked to swimming.
Called the landlord about a repair bill they sent to us. Typed
some here. My alarm clock reminded me about dinner. Made
nuggets and fries for the kids. C and I will have leftovers after
the game.
Ha. Meant to demonstrate only that I was
running from one thing to the other and feeling unable to get all the
small stuff. Only managed to keep it from being published as I
had to pass on to the next urgent thing before I could finish
here. Now it's five days later. sigh.
August 19, 2009
Was planning on blogging tonight, but am deciding to
postpone it and go to bed at a reasonable hour so tomorrow I can have
another great day like today. Got lots done and kids felt like
they "crammed 48 hours into 24" what with first day of school,
swimming, voetbal, and strawberry shortcake.
August 4, 2009
I find it a little ironic that I have to work so
hard to get my kids to write. At least we got in some practice
today, but the advertisement to tempt the Jawa to buy the Lego droid
they built is going to have to wait until tomorrow. Today I tried
to get the kids to do a bit of school prep, with mixed results.
Yesterday I found my laptop turning off on me unexpectedly so decided
to tackle a non-computer project - sorting through all the piles of
schoolwork and memorabelia from the past 19 months. Looking at
some of A's writing work made me a little anxious. I want his new
teacher to fully appreciate how intelligent he is, and I think the
state of his writing may be detrimental to that cause. In
addition, I'm getting a bit tired of the Star Wars music from the Lego
game. So I told them that today we would be doing something
else. A came in this morning excited about "our" school, but half
an hour later, after playing (Lego Star Wars, of course), he didn't
want to stop and "wasn't hungry!" for breakfast. B was more
willing to stay excited about the fun stuff I had planned.
Since I just couldn't force myself to get on the
road in time to run before C left this morning at 6:30, I tried running
with the dog and the kids on bikes. We got about halfway around
the loop I had mapped and I was catching up after a forced stop for dog
business when I found A crying hysterically after a fall and badly
scraped knee. B went home for the bandage A insisted on, my iPod
helpfully told me that I had stopped moving, and I got into a
discussion about how much blood is in a body while I held the seat and
pushed A home. They read while I showered.
Then, oh the pain: writing. I explained my
version of a reading program (new book earned with every 20 books read,
or every 5 books with a 4 sentence book review) and we came up with a
fun acronym for it together. WARP SPEED = Welcome to A's Reading
Program, Securing the Purchase of Educational or Entertaining
Dramas. This involved much spinning and giggling because B came
up with BURP SPEED = B's Unusual Reading Program. Spinning
Pedestrians Encounter Einstein's Dog. B wanted to do creative
writing, so I came up with a jumping off sentence for him. He was
stuck for a while as I dealt with A, finally suggested his own
sentence, and went upstairs to try to work away from us. Still
only got most of the way through that same sentence by the time he came
down wanting to do what I was trying to get A to do. I really was
trying to start small. Name, date, alphabet, numerals, and one
sentence about one of the books he had just read. I wrested all
but the sentence out of him when he suggested what we'd done before
where he fills in the beginnings of words that have the same
endings. So I found 19 words that ended in ICK but wanted him to
write the ICK as well, which he refused to do. Sigh.
I moved on to lunch and music and we grooved to
Captain Vegetable - crunch, crunch, crunch! They built droids and
got stuck on the writing again. B worked on an art project while
I re-evaluated where we were as compared to where I'd hoped to be,
decided to abandon math and science for tomorrow, and let them play
while I made dinner.
I know that I could be writing more visibly, and
that might help, but it's not like they don't know I'm writing.
And the other morning when I was in bed writing A's birthday poem, B
wanted to write one too, but only got as far as rhyming "despite"
before he abandoned his effort. So if an example isn't the
problem, and the value of the written word isn't at issue, perhaps
their hesitation is from something else. Maybe they are getting
criticism from somewhere. Maybe my concern is working against
me. Maybe I'm over-thinking this and it will all work out in
time. Hope so. I will continue finding things for them to
write that are a part of their day or fun for them. I will
continue writing in front of them but try not to take writing over from
them. And, as A pointed out, he (and B) are "already ready for
group 4" (and 5) and they will be just fine. Mostly the day was
exhausting and I'm mighty glad I get to have help with the teaching of
my kids from some competent folk.
August 2, 2009
A had his birthday. He's had presents, cake,
candles, poem, photos, been measured and sung to, but he hasn't had a
party with friends (summer isn't the best time for finding friends
here), so it's not over yet. If you count the parenting of each
child separately (not for any good reason I can think of, but just for
argument's sake), then I have been a mom for 15 years now. The
two kids are now negotiating (not always smoothly) the dual playing of
A's favorite birthday present, Lego Star Wars for the Wii. All
three of my boys have a save file and has charge of the play on their
own file. All three of them are also really enjoying the
game. For that matter, I have found that my photo processing has
been slowed when I'm in the same room as the game playing even when
there aren't any struggles because I enjoy watching the play as
well. We did well in choosing it, and it even came to the door on
the day of his birthday.
Today is a day for writing, though the rain makes me
wish that I didn't have such a long run in the sun yesterday that my
hips started to feel a bit too loose to chance a run today as
well. I guess I could take the dog out for a walk, though he
probably wouldn't enjoy the rain as much as I would. Ah well, I'm
sure today isn't the last day of rain this summer!
Our rules for kid screen time changed a few months
ago. Our original system was giving the kids each poker chips
which they could then spend on screen time at 1/2 hour per chip.
They got three chips per day with a maximum store of one week's
worth. It worked well from the time they were just starting out
playing computer games like Putt Putt and even for a while here after
the addition of the tv and the Wii. But more and more struggles
over chips and C and I's use of our own screens combined for a re-think
on my part. I decided to look at what I wanted their relationship
to computers and televisions to be as adults. I want them to be
able to use these without being trapped by them. I want them to
notice when they are starting to get frustrated or exasperated. I
want them to recognize in their own bodies and minds when they need to
take a break, when they need to use the bathroom, eat, sleep, look at
something far away, or run around. I want them to be able to live
with their tools in balance with the other things in their lives.
So... if they are getting enough time reading, exercising, and
playing, and if they are not fighting each other, or forgoing food,
homework, or bathroom breaks, then they can play. They still need
reminders, and they understand that this is still a trial, but so far
it seems to be working out okay.
I am looking forward to sharing some of my favorite
movies with the boys. They are getting to the age where more
films are actually appropriate for their viewing. We have yet to
get our system set up to watch region 2 DVDs (though I think that
is on our list), and we miss NetFlix, so my plans may wait another year
to really blossom, but I'd like to organize a regular movie night where
we watch films together from a list of our favorites and other
appropriate but new to us flicks. And, of course, I'd like to
invite others to join us. So, I need to get a list together and
make sure it's graduated to allow for the kids' age, interests, and
abilities. C doesn't like popcorn, but the kids and I do.
The kids and I went and watched G-Force in the theaters this past week
and B watched Hotel for Dogs, Monsters vs Aliens, and most of Shampoo
on the plane. It is clear that they are older and better able to
handle more films than they've seen as well as the theater experience
(big, loud, enveloping). I'm rather excited. It's always
good to have another person in the house who understands and
appreciates iocane powder.
July 24, 2009
We're back home after three weeks of vacation
encompassing 6 cities, 4 languages, 3 forms of currency, and 2 pair of
socks for me. Yesterday both kids' favorite thing was "getting
home" with enough exclamation points to fill the line. B's
favorite thing today was "being home." I don't know if I'm much
closer to a satisfactory definition of what "home" is yet, but I know 3
weeks is too long without it for us four. The problem is that
"home" is such a graduated concept. Sometimes it is sufficient to
be simply where you sleep (hotels count), or where you can do laundry
(mom's or house-swapping friends'), sometimes it's enough to be
familiar (Seattle grocery stores) or speak the same language (Florida
airport) and sometimes it's not home until your family and pets are
able to sit together with your stuff around you (our house in NL) or
where every part of you is comfortable. Robert Frost wrote “Home
is the place where, when you have to go there, / They have to take you
in.”/“I should have called it / Something you somehow haven’t to
deserve.” in The Death of the Hired Man. We have those
homes too. We are truly rich in the number of homes that we
have. And when we are on vacation, expecially, someone asking us
where we're from can throw us into a confusion of answers. But
our family seems to need more home than other families; needs more time
home with each other doing not much of anything special. In many
ways it seems odd to us to be the ones in Europe for three years.
If you divide a country like the Netherlands up into the folks who stay
home and the world-travelers, we would probably end up with the
homebodies. Still, here we are. We made a home here.
I should take more credit: I have made us a home here. This
is home. And so is Seattle. In a little over a year I will
be realigning those two. I hope to make the best out of what I've
learned, take the best of what I've known in different homes and put it
in my own. Truth is, we are always making our home more our
own. Though I doubt that "being home" will make the kids' nightly
favorite again. And, yes, I sure could have used another couple
pairs of socks.
I notice that I'm limited in the number of
characters I have available in a Facebook "post" so I figure there will
be more times when I will write there and continue it here. Kind
of reassuring to know that it's not going to completely consume my
life. I think.
July 22, 2009
I've just spent a couple hours on Facebook signing
up and going through the exhausting let's-find-some-of-my-friends
business that joining entails. I understand why people start
seeing significance in the squiggly words you are given to verify
humanity; that's what our brains do best after all, is to see patterns
in noise. I'm not at all sure about adding another place to keep
up with in addition to my e-mail, but it may work out for the
best. I have high hopes for a schedule and routine to impose on
the kids and myself which includes daily time for computer work.
I have physical evidence of my previous ability to adhere to habits and
practice doing something almost every day, so if I can just get back
into the groove, I think I can make it work. And it will be
better for all of us. I know that January first is the
traditional beginning of new plans and resolutions; but somehow it
seems that the beginnings of spring and summer inspire more of my
personal improvement projects. I'll let you know how it goes.
Vacation is close to an end. That is, we
crammed Seattle and Spokane together for a too-quick 12 day whirl (and
no, I didn't get organized in time to let everyone know we were coming
in time to see them) and then flew on C's 40th birthday to continue our
tour through northern Germany and then Denmark. Poor man; the
best that can be said of it, I guess, is that it was mercifully short
since we flew 10 hours towards the sun. I have a couple of ideas
for how to celebrate after the fact, but they will have to wait for our
return home. We're still in Copenhagen and tomorrow will be spent
coming home. We are all four ready to be done with
traveling. A is dog-sick and wishes his birthday next week was
during the school year so celebrating was easier. I am ready for
my own bed and a larger choice of shoes than my running shoes or my
almost blown-out Keen flip-flops. C is ready to be home so he can
recover over the weekend in preparation for returning to work. B
wants to be home but also wants to spend the day at Tivoli; he hates
feeling like he's missing out. Two days at Legoland were not
enough for his fun-fair tastes. I think Efteling is in our
future, but only after my body recovers from the near-constant heavy
backpack, camera, and walking around that's been the norm for the last
almost three weeks. There are three weeks more of summer vacation
for the kids and I before school starts up again.
Going back to the States made me realize how much I
am looking forward to returning to the Seattle Public Library.
All those books! In English! And you can request
them! I don't have to buy them to read them! As we did last
year as well, I signed the kids up for the summer reading program and
had them read a quick 10 books before the end of our stay. A
picked out a Pokemon book as his free book (and B Little Wolf's Book of
Badness) and later asked me if there was a "winter reading
program?" I promised him I would happily purchase the next book
in the series for him. I'm thinking 20 books or 5 books with a 4
sentence book review earns them a new book. Dad's wife sent a
handful of books home with me, and my brother lent me one that has
taken his fancy enough to re-read it several times in anticipation of
the next book in the trilogy. Yup, I did. I actually
started a book in a series that hasn't yet been completed.
Enjoyed it too. My hard and fast rule about not doing such a
thing has taken a beating in the last couple years. There are so
MANY series (or at least authors with repeating characters I like) that
I am in the middle of, sometimes with little hope of getting the next
one anytime soon, that it has dulled the pain of starting the blasted
Wheel of Time series and having the author die without finishing his
story. What I'd like is a good database combined with a
notification service for the authors I like so I can keep up with what
I've read and what I need to catch up on when I return to my beloved
library.
The other thing I thought was odd was how Seattle
grew so much while I was away this past year. When we moved back
to Seattle after living in the Bay Area, it had shrunk. In
California I was in the car driving half an hour, an hour, to go nearly
anywhere. So in Seattle suddenly hikes were closer, trips across
the lake were trivial, and driving distances was no big deal. But
this month, when we were swapping houses with Seattle friends (they
left our house empty today), going across town was an excursion.
The places that weren't within walking or biking distance were suddenly
very far away, at least in my head. I think distances will
recalibrate to some Seattle norm after a while living there again, but
I do want to continue using my bike as a yardstick. I suspect I
will get more familiar with the hills in my area (and not just the ones
I already know well from running kids to Montessori and elementary
school in the jogger).
I also hope very much that I can manage never to
cram a Seattle and Spokane visit into one whirlwind again. It was
hard. I didn't see anyone as much as I'd have liked. It was
rushed and hurried and unsatisfactory. Next summer we have a
wedding in BC the same weekend as the Clambake (and, contrary to my
hopes articulated in my last post, the day AFTER the last day of
school). I don't know yet what we'll be wanting to do next
summer, where we will be, where our stuff will be, where C's job will
be, or anything else. So predicting much of anything at this
point is decidedly premature. However, I will remember
this. Since fall will definitely find us in our old house in
Seattle again, I think we can work it out so we don't have to rush our
visits. I hope so.
Okay. Time for wrapping up. C would like
access to the Internet as well, I think. If nothing else as an
excuse to stop switching channels. And I need to get to
bed. Packing up tomorrow for a car ride south. One more
night away from home...
June 25, 2009
Helluva crappy day, but only kinda. I hate
this stupidity I go through. I can see myself clearly feeling
like garbage and know that it's not real, that I didn't have a good
enough breakfast and my hormones are speaking louder than normal this
time of month. I can hear myself wondering the wackiest things
and know that they too are a product of very temporary chemicals while
I wait for lunch and sanity to kick in. I don't really believe in
the sadness; it's so exaggerated and fake. There's a part of me
watching myself that is strong and secure, sure of herself and her
value. So what's the point of giving the shadows a voice
here? Maybe I won't after all.
We leave in a week for vacation. Next year I
would like to make sure we've got a few days after the end of school
before we hop on a plane even though the prices here jump precipitously
when the country goes on vacation together. Now I'm still in the
thick of goodbyes, class gifts, reports, playdates, homework and kid
portfolios. I haven't lifted my head yet to deal with the details
of vacationing, even
though I know I should have. C hasn't been able to take over
because he's been busy with work. Seems like I should be able to
handle it all. Since I don't really WANT to handle it all, I skip
out on myself and feel guilty about it later. And during.
Not useful really.
I'm tired. Not enough sleep. Not helping
C get sleep either. Incoherent. Sorry.
I was going to.... There are so many sentences
that begin that way in my life now. I'm so tired of myself.
This isn't what I want. Crap.
Okay. Try for a bit of coherence. It's
Thursday, so my house is clean. I spend a few hours getting it in
shape to pay someone else to clean it. Even though she doesn't
care to put things back the way they were, doesn't look up, and keeps
putting the garbage into the paper recycling bin, it's probably worth
it to have a deadline every week where I get the danged dishes done and
the house tidied up so she can vacuum, mop and clean our nasty
toilets. Even if I do have to hide the sponge I do the dishes
with. On the other hand, I've gotten lax about asking for
help. C is putting hours and hours at or home doing work, and
I've let the struggles to have kids' help be helpful dissuade me from
making it mandatory. So except for vacuuming, mopping and
cleaning bathrooms, I do it. And the kids don't hear how
outrageous it is when they ask why us adults don't do any work when
they are asked to wipe the table and sweep the floor after the dinner I
cooked and served and cleared away. It's not as though I don't
know I'm hurting myself by failing to put the work in right now.
Perhaps during the summer, I can establish some better patterns for our
family.
Yesterday at dinner, since I was increasingly
frustrated by the kids not even acknowledging me when I speak to them,
I tried something completely different. I stopped talking.
It was quite peaceful for me, but it didn't work perfectly. I
wasn't completely consistent and wasn't patient enough. I learned
that I should definitely spend more time physically directing them or
their attention. A wanted to make me talk and asked questions; he
didn't really understand. B was still fighting being grumpy and
cross by the time I kissed them goodnight; I had hoped my silence would
encourage him to talk, but it didn't happen last night at least.
Still, it was different, and they were somewhat more attuned to
me. It doesn't seem to have translated into perfect listening
skills, but that's not any surprise.
June 14, 2009
tags:
Lots to cover, still more to do.
I've entered into the age of badges (Go ahead, I'll
wait for it to finish in your head. "... no stinkin'
badges!"). I've been sewing on quite a few of late. I got
to the bottom of the pile of hand-mending today by sewing on the kids'
frog and duck badges on each of their towels, which they earned in
swimming last week. A will start Cub Scouts on Thursday, so there
are a few more badges coming, just to get his shirt looking as official
as his brother's. I repaired a shoe, two sweaters, a slipper, and
also sewed the lining in the arms of a suit jacket I took over from my
father's closet years ago. It had a hand-tailored label inside
one of the pockets that dated it to April 27, 1967. I look at my
closets and instead of feeling out of fashion (though I certainly am
that!), I feel some pride in how long my clothes last and am impressed
by how many years I've worn this shirt, that sweater, or those
shoes. Given my predilection for shopping at second-hand stores
and the median age of my clothes, there's not a lot of energy going
into the manufacture of stuff for me to wear. Good thing, since
I'm using more than my fair share of energy for flying around the world.
Our family has said it's most significant goodbye to
date in our tenure here. A's best friend, J, and his sister and
parents are all moving to New York tomorrow. I will miss them,
especially J's mom, who is very good at some of the things I'm not -
talking to people and linking them up together, going out and doing
things, being comfortable (or at least offhand) in situations I find
stressful because they're new. I admire her and wish her the best
of luck transitioning back to the US, and into a new career (medicine,
after full-time mom and part-time student here, which followed a
surgical career in her life before). There seems to be a trend in
my cohort with changing careers, or re-examining values and directions,
or returning to the work-force after dedicating years to
children. Even C wonders about going back to grad school in odd
moments once we return to the States. And I read articles in the
expat magazine for partners that I receive and ponder how I'll phrase
my experiences here on the next resume I write for myself. The
end of our expat lives feels closer now, since we are approaching the
end of the school year (three more weeks) and there are so many people
leaving school this year (partly as a result of the Nike restructuring
since that company is such a big presence here). I look at the
goodbye parties and photo books being organized and realize we will be
going through that next year. In some ways it feels like we're
running out of time. As though there is homework due that I've
been putting off. Yet there isn't really. And this weekend
I have actually been pretty productive.
In addition to the hand-mending, I also finished all
of the book repair I had in a pile from the school. And I've
finished the cataloguing in the library (I think I catalogued,
described and tagged around 6000 titles) so there are only a few
projects still to complete in the library before I'll feel quite
satisfied to work on other things and not go into the library hardly at
all. Yesterday I made strawberry jam. Today I got my
zucchini starts in pots. And I've picked up following
Avondvierdaagse with long walks with the dog. He's happier and
it's good for me. I'll get back to running instead of walking,
but if I can first tackle the consistency issue, then the runs will
follow. I like running too much, though balancing the speed I'd
like to run against the dog's need to get exercise, means that
sometimes I will need to run as well as walk with him just so I don't
feel guilty. He's getting older (13 now), but he's not ready to
stay home, even if he is creaky getting back into the car after the
10K. I told the kids we'd get him a dog tag "medal" for the three
Avondvierdaagse he will have gone on after the first week of June next
year. B was proud to get his second medal and A his first
official one. They really didn't like having their days filled
with school, then activity (like art), then a quick dinner, and the
walk, then home in time only for bed. Monday, Tuesday and
Wednesday were 5K and Thursday was the 10K. Friday we were able
to go to school an hour later (given that we were still walking at the
time the kids usually go to bed Thursday, it was a very good thing),
and they received their medals. Thursday is the fancy-dress
portion of the walk, so I got colorful leis for all four of us. A
left his in the car, but it was helpful to have B drift through the
rest of the group (all dressed in the same green polos) with an
identifying mark so I could keep some kind of track of him. The
dog got a lot of positive comments and smiles as we walked along the
streets since I strung his lei along his pack (which he wore all four
nights as a signal that we were going on a long walk and so he could
carry his own water dish). The kids were all hyped up on the
candy they acquired along the route - yeesh! No wonder we don't
give them that crap more often. They were worse beggars than the
dog, who could smell that I had treats in my pocket for him.
I'm going to try to do some more catching up here
tomorrow, but I need to get C and I to bed now.
April 28, 2009
tags: anthropology, meteorology, chronology
I'm in France at the moment. Paris. This
may turn into a shorter post than I intend simply because we have
plans for today (Jardin d'Acclimatation) and both boys are up and
wanting to use our internet connection. Ah well, we'll get where
we can and continue later.
Even when it's only been a few months, I still find
to be a surprise the relief of understanding the language being spoken
around me. I revel in piercing the curtain of understanding
random metro conversations and find it very difficult to respond to A,
B, or C in English rather than French. I find French to be a more
beautiful-sounding language than Dutch, and miss the cadences and
silent consonants I knew so well and can still find in my head these
many years later.
It was a good time to leave the Netherlands, as just
a few days ago I had a very typical Dutch experience at a store.
I'll illuminate. B went to Bart Smit with C on Saturday because
he had a birthday party later that day. While there, he bought
two presents, one for Saturday's birthday and another for Sunday's
birthday party. Once home, I reminded him that he had already
promised to contribute money towards a bigger gift with other friends,
and he immediately regretted the purchase. He and C both stressed
to me that it had to be returned on Monday if I wanted money back (as
it was a Wii game). So, I went to Bart Smit on Monday with game
(in their wrapping paper) and receipt in hand. Where I was told
that I couldn't return it for money as it had been two days. I
countered that they weren't open on Sunday. However, they had
been open for four hours on THIS particular Sunday (likely because of
the crowds about for the Nike Hilversum run), so it WAS two days and
those were the rules. I actually find it difficult to write about
this without trying to interject the word "sorry," but that was
definitely not ever uttered by the two women facing me at the
store. They sealed the now unwrapped game and the receipt in a
bag and allowed that I could exchange it for another game within
another 12 days (some of which they would be closed), and that was
it. I was left in a completely powerless fury. Had I known
that the employee who sold it to B and C had expressly said "Monday" as
the money-back deadline, I would have pushed harder and insisted on my
money. Even so, I'm not sure I would have been successful.
Rules are rules. Nobody is sorry. The employees don't care
if you ever shop there again. Heck, it would make their job
easier if they don't have to deal with you. Very Dutch. It
makes me homesick.
This was ironically just a few days after a
conversation with C in which he asked if I'd rather go back at the end
of this school year instead of the end of next. I thought about
it and realized that my stock answer of "I'm ready to move back at any
time," wasn't accurate. I realized that I would rather stay as
long as we committed to, that there are things I'd like to do here and
people and projects I/we have committed to that I can't drop as easily
as I'd imagined. Wow. So, we're almost certainly here in
Europe for most of the 70 weeks until school starts in Seattle.
If'n you're coming to visit (please do!), it's unlikely that you'll get
here when we're not.
We are still working out the details for future
travel plans, specifically this summer. Since Italy with old
friends isn't going to happen this year, we're deciding what to do
instead. We should have something relatively soon (or we'll be
one of those 30 people per day calling kennels looking for a
spot). Six weeks isn't a lot of time when you're used to US
summers, C wants to take a full 3 weeks of vacation and such things are
much more common and sanctioned here where everyone has the same
vacation, and there are lots of places we want to go, and many people
and plans to try and meet.
We tried to do our Eiffel Tower visit during the
nice day while we are here, but the weather moved through faster than
it was forecast, and though it was sunny when we set out for the metro,
it was raining and slick by the time we came down the many
stairs. It was lit up as we headed back to the metro, but it is
too late in the year for us to see the sparkle and have the kids in bed
before meltdown. It was nevertheless the kids' favorite thing,
beating out such things as using my computer, neglecting to return to
the trampolines in the Tuilleries, and walking to museums that were
closed on Mondays. It is spring weather in earnest here with gray
skies and damp pavements, so it is unlikely we will be using all the
shorts and short-sleeves we brought for the week.
All right, the strife has come to a head and I'm not
able to continue until later. The application of food is needed.
April 8, 2009
tags: chronology
I certainly hadn't intended to fall into a pattern
of updating this blog only every month, though that has been my
regularity for most of this year so far. I'm not sure where the
future will take me, so I won't make any promises here, or even in my
head. I have been writing with more regularity than you see here,
though my e-mail box is still somewhat of a black hole. I read my
mail, but then it joins this sink-hole that I dread falling into
because it is so overwhelming. I have visions of pulling myself
through it and out the other side, but I don't always have the strength
to make the vision happen. And then there are the other things
that make it hard for me to attack things with single-minded
purpose. This morning I spent fruitlessly looking for my
keys. My newly repaired/returned Palm has big, though different,
problems that I need to address through some customer service
means. I spent all of Saturday doing our finances and discovered
yesterday that the Netherlands Post will not courier checks. We
were able to avoid having to go in to Amsterdam to use DHL, UPS, or the
like by C's clever use of the telephone and our luck in having paid
them by check last year already, but it still took me time to deal with
two post-offices, unhelpful folk and rules, and a learning curve that
will never straighten out consisting of things that will never again be
relevant. Frustrating.
I saw a physiotherapist for my hip three times and
it's much better now. There is a lot more hidden value in
stretching than I realized when I was younger and more limber.
Then I bruised my foot by kicking a doorframe in anger; that's nearly
all healed now too. The weather is springy and we're awash in the
blossoms and blooms that make this feel most like Seattle to me than
any other season. Cherry, plum, forsythia, daffodils, pansies,
tulips, Oregon grape, rhododendron, azalea, periwinkle... The
peas I planted are growing and we've had some gorgeous weather.
Of course, it's drizzly now, but that's part of spring too.
Saturday last I uncovered a hedgehog in our garden. It was
sleeping (or perhaps hibernating, though its breathing seemed more
regular than that) and curled into a ball. I called the family
over and took some pictures before covering it back up. Somehow a
hedgehog seems somewhat cute and cuddly to me, perhaps because they
aren't native to America, and likely also due to representation in
various books by Dick King-Smith and kid shows like Kipper and Bob the
Builder. When I mentioned this to an English mum, she said that
their digging for worms and beetles and things are good for aerating
the soil, but that she thinks of them as big flea carriers rather than
cuddly. Ah well, I suspect we all romanticize the unknown to some
extent. Porcupines to me are tree-damaging pests who can kill
your dog with ill-placed spines, but I'm still thrilled to have a
hedgehog living in our garden.
B started Scouts, loves it, and has been to an
overnight camp already; A has been told he can join once he's seven
after the summer break, but there is a long waiting list and a full
troop. Both of them had their first art class on Tuesday and are
excited about what they're learning. The kids are about at
capacity for their activities, though I still mean to add Dutch lessons
to their dance cards. Certainly they are busier with outside
activities and opportunities than they were a year ago, when they had
none. I think it is good for them and they seem happy as
well. They just moved up another level in swimming and B was
telling me he thinks he got 98% right. I was writing rather than
watching so I'm not sure what he means, but I suspect we're likely to
come home with a "diploma" or two before we leave. [There are
different levels of swimming proficiency handed out here A, B and C
diplomas, etc., but the trials for these diplomas happen at set times
and with proud parents in the audience.] B passed up an
opportunity to explore rugby because he doesn't like tackling or
getting hurt in games, and not because he didn't have time.
Still, I do hear complaints on the busiest days; sometimes they just
want to be at home and play on the computer, or play chalk wars outside.
I made a realization a week or two ago that there
wasn't anything I was doing that I felt like I could or should cut
out. That included reading time, which is not always something I
feel good about doing. At the time, this realization felt
good. Suddenly there wasn't anything I was doing that I didn't
want to do, I thought. It meant that all that I was doing, all
the choices I was making with how to spend my time, were choices
between "good" things. (By now, I've realized that there are a
whole passel of things I do that I don't really want to do, or wish I
could do more efficiently but am prevented.) Having nothing left
I felt should be cut out also meant, however, that I was at my limit
for how much I could really do. Which, to someone who chronically
overestimates how much she can do and underestimates how long things
will take, is quite a blow. There was no more "Theoretically, if
I don't spend any more time playing solitaire, I can tag all 11,000
photos!" nonsense to delude myself with. I am in fact making
progress with the photos, it's just that time spent doing any one thing
means I'm not spending time doing all the other things. I don't
at all begrudge the time spent mothering. I just hope that my
friends and family understand that I do have another very important
role to play.
Speaking of which...
March 9, 2009
tags: chronology
I live in a house packed more with plans than real
things. Or at least the plans have become physical things with
weight and substance of their own. But I am aware that their
weight is something mostly I can feel. My kids live with
invisible ghosts, and live without all those things I plan for them but
don't quite do. The memories of things that didn't happen but
should have aren't actual memories, but longings at the most. I
try to stretch myself backwards and forwards to this present to be with
them, making memories with what is here, what we have. It's hard
though; I keep walking around my plans, unable to keep a straight
course and simply walk through them. Will they know how little I
was sometimes here for them when I was here? Will it be a
surprise when they are older and finding out how different life is in
other families? Will they resolve to be different? Make
their own plans and intentions so real as to become their own weighty
ghosts?
I picture myself living back in Seattle and know
that this feeling of being apart and alone is not unique to this place
or this experience. I've felt the same way before, even in my
home. All my homes. Having friends, family and the familiar
doesn't mean that I will reach out and ask for help, or articulate
what's wrong. I end up saying things like today: "I miss the
ocean. I caused A to miss a friend's birthday party yesterday for
the second time in two weekends. C is gone until Wednesday
night." While true, it's inadequate. How do we say anything
real to explain our tears? It's not possible to put all of it
into words. More words would go perhaps like this: I just
finished a sad, beautiful novel by Barbara Kingsolver. I can't
find the right foods so I'm either eating not enough or I'm not
enjoying my food and just hoping it will help. I can't run
without pain and it's there when I walk as well, at a time when the
kids want to travel in the jogger. Knowing that I've been in this
hormonal soup before and that it will cycle off and the same ghosts and
plans will stop being immovable objects and instead companions or
conquerable steps... It helps, immensely. I think I can
feel the edges of other people's pain by just imagining feeling like
this all the time. At least I know that feeling happy and blessed
and contented is around the corner, perhaps a sunny square on my black
comforter, or finishing homework without a struggle, or a good
breakfast.
Even when I long for home, miss the ocean and the
people and the language, I know that the same longing isn't unique to
here. I know that what I can do, wherever I am, is make our
home. Create this life and make memories by living in it. Things
aren't going to be all better when fill in the blank. Life is
what we do while we're making our way through time, not the reward we
get when we've gotten to the end. So. Time to make some
home. Tonight that's dinner and brownies, books and homework,
another chapter of The High King and then more writing for me.
Ordering a stopgap organizer so I can revert back to calendars that
remind me of birthday parties with alarms. Defrosting a
turkey. Laundry. There's time enough.
February 28, 2009
tags: anthropology, biology, meteorology, pathology, chronology
Well, I knew it was a long time since I've logged on
here, but I didn't really realize it was quite as long as it was.
Good thing C keeps his own blog to let you know we're still alive and
kicking about.
Our vacation to Florida was very nice. It was
a hard one to come back from. Not so much the leaving as the
coming back. The one time I got to dozing on the plane, A asked
(again) "How long till we get there?" so a lot of that was being
tired. And it's been a hard week for C at work and at home
working on work, so I've felt much on my own. I'm still
determined to use our time here as well as we can, but any time C is
ready to move back, I'm ready too.
I hadn't been to Florida before so I was surprised
at the similarities to the Netherlands: near sea level, flat, watery,
canals, cows.... There were a lot of dissimilarities, of course,
as well. Florida is sunny and warm in February as well as
American being the chief ones. When we first touched down it took
a while before I realized I could read the words on the sides of the
trucks moving around the airport. Oh, yeah. And it was a
relief to be able to make the random comments to strangers I like to
when I'm running, or just out and about. If I were to say,
"beautiful dog" or "cute hat" or "zoom!" or whatever to folks here in
Holland, they would have to parse what I said because it wasn't their
first language, perhaps ask me what I said, and the likely
misunderstanding is just not worth the trouble. So I suppress
it. I don't get to be as friendly here and it was a relief to let
myself do more than just smile and give the appropriate time of day
greeting. Palm trees, crocodiles, squirrels, manatees...
It's a good thing there aren't crocodiles in the Netherlands because it
would seriously cut down on the canal skating...
We had a very relaxing time in Florida. We
played a lot of games (Don't Stop, Sequence, Euchre, Clue, and Stop,
Thief!) and took a bunch of pictures. We went to the beach a few
times, celebrated a late Christmas, visited Disney
World, went to the Brevard Zoo,
toured
some
parts
of
Harbor Branch
where a brother-in-law works, celebrated Valentine's Day, and spent a
lot of time with family, the newest member we hadn't met before.
The kids really enjoyed boogie boarding and playing in the surf.
It wasn't too hot or too cold and it was nice to go running with C in
the mornings, something we haven't done together since the kids stopped
being content being pushed in the jogger.
We're back to snowdrops and rain, jackets and
scarves. The forsythia and daffodils have yet to bloom, but I
bought some seeds to plant in the next week. About time to take
down the snowflakes from our window and look towards spring.
The week we left for vacation, I had a rather
troubling incident with another mom from the school. At swimming,
she knocked against my foot and then exploded at me telling me that
she'd like to kill me, insisting that I knew what she was talking
about, and refusing to tell me what it was about beyond some vague
references to talking about her behind her back and laughing at her
children being hurt. I continued to calmly but earnestly try to
find out what she was angry and upset about until she said she didn't
want to talk about it anymore, I said whenever you're ready I'm
available and she left. The next day at school, when I approached
her again, to tell her I had spent a lot of time trying to figure out
what this was all about, she cut me off and accused me of being
sarcastic, again said she wanted to kill me, was ready to kill someone,
and went on somewhat incoherently about how I was acting, talking to
her at swimming only because I wanted something, and repeated again and
again that this was a school, an international school. After she
ran out of steam and again ended the conversation by saying she didn't
want to talk anymore, she left. Once she was safely away, I burst
into tears. Some other moms suggested I not make it my problem
and suggested that this was something she just did, that I not worry
about it because she was crazy. I couldn't just blow it
off. I've spent a lot of mental energy on this rehashing the
events, rehearsing what I'd like to say, composing phantom e-mails, and
trying to figure it out. I did tell the school about the incident
before I left. The one time I uttered her name "behind her back"
was when another mom asked if I knew who she was. I said yes,
that's ______, she's from ----, she has two boys >>> and
>>> and they go swimming with us. Other mom said, she
just yelled at me; I think she has me mixed up with someone
else. After which, I think we dropped it and probably
laughed about something or other else. I can only imagine that my
attacker saw or overheard part of this conversation and imagined
something different. Certainly I never saw her children get hurt,
let alone laughed about it. Like I said, I haven't been able to
blow this off. I didn't think about it too much on vacation, but
coming back to it wasn't a party. Fortunately, there hasn't been
anything further. Since she was the one to back off and end the
conversation both times, I have felt more self-conscious, but haven't
changed my behavior at the school much. I've greeted her when I
could, though she seems to be avoiding me. I'm trying not to make
it too much my problem, though clearly not entirely successfully.
I do hope she gets some help for whatever problems she is having, and I
hope that her children don't suffer too much.
I've gotten back to notebook writing. It's
been very good for me. Although there is some repetition with
things I'd like to write here, the pressure is off to edit
myself. I can name names in a way I can't here. I can talk
about how I'm feeling without imagining parents and other
audiences. Nobody has ever suggested that the only writing I do
be a blog entry or an e-mail, but that has happened for too many long
stretches of time in the past year, so this return to my writing roots
is a good thing. I can't promise more frequent updates to the
blog, but honestly, since I feel better when I write and I have a
guilt-free channel back to do that in, I don't particularly care.
You'll survive. Heck, there are a couple of friends' blogs I
still check that haven't been updated in about a year.
What else? I'm probably going to take some
sort of photography class soon. I'm in the W's in cataloguing
books at the school library. I've got pain in a sciatic nerve (or
something similar) on my left side that hasn't gone away in a
week. A has been fighting a fever again and missed the voetbal
game today, though B played well and their team is actually off to a
2-0 start since Christmas break. Their drama class is putting on
a play next week. B has escaped the wait list for Scouts and will
start this coming Thursday evening. A will be a paleontologist in
his upcoming job fair and B just finished a presentation on the history
of numbers. I have nearly six pounds of dried Just Peas in my
freezer, and I've replaced all of our very annoying cabinetry hardware
with handles that don't come off in your hand. C is working on a
super secret project that involves lots of late evenings at work, and
phone calls
here at home. One of the Albert Heijn supermarkets has recently
started a trial opening on Sunday afternoons. And we've started
working with a housekeeper (though she's been back in Poland the last
three weeks). The kids keep losing baby teeth, and they both
still need a haircut. I've got a bunch of pictures to wrangle, so
I'm going to go do that.
January 23, 2009
tags: anthropology, natology, chronology
Friday again. I'm looking forward to seeing
more of C. A combination of late work nights, poor choices, and
missed opportunities has meant we've not quite connected as well as
we'd like. We've all been some degree of sick over the past two
weeks. I spent a week getting more sleep than usual, so I've
avoided the worst of it, I think, though it's not necessarily over
yet. A came to our bed last night about 2:00 sounding really sick
with coughs and a full nose. I gave him meds and C and I planned
for him to stay home from school today. We didn't tell A, though,
and he got dressed and said he was well enough to go to school when he
woke up. He did sound much better, though we dosed him again
before he left.
I made the arrangements for the dog and cat to be
cared for during our vacation in February. We also just received
a reservation form from the dierenpension
for the months of July and August. So, clearly we need to get our
butts in gear and figure out what we're doing this summer and
when. There's the prospect of Seattle/Spokane as we did last
year, there's the possibility we were to plan for of Italy with
M&B&M&B, there's a house-swap potential, and since our
summer is crammed into six weeks between school being out (July 3) and
starting up again (August 17), we should definitely use it all to our
best advantage.
I wasn't smart enough to watch the inauguration in
real time (though I caught some of the cavalcade and Senate lunch), but
viewing his speech wasn't a problem in this digital age. Obama's
election really has made a difference in my comfort in being recognized
as an American overseas. Back when I was a college student in
France there were those that sewed Canadian flags to their backpacks to
avoid being the Ugly American, and we were extraordinarily proud when
Italians thought we were French (and not just because it said something
about our language proficiency). In Dutch (as in our own
language) the word for English people is the same as for the English
language: Engels.
Usually context suggests that the language is being inquired about
rather than country of origin. I could be wrong about the
assumptions that fall from that, but perhaps not: C got complimented on
his beautiful American accent and was asked where he acquired it.
As I mentioned, I wore my American flag sweater the day the election
was called, and our family as well as friends and strangers we meet are
all excited about Obama becoming our 44th president.
January 21, 2009
tags: natology, meteorology, chronology
The earth keeps turning. The skies are
considerably less dark now during soccer practice than they were before
Christmas, and they are liberally filled with geese in deep vees that
form and reform according to some goosish logic. The canals are
almost completely free of ice and the grass is green instead of
white. I've finished with the N's and begun the O's in my quest
to nearly single-handedly catalogue all of the picture books in the
kids' school library. As of Tuesday, the kids have been bumped up
a swimming level and I am impressed with their quick understanding of
the breast stroke; mostly they are pleased because class is a bit later
allowing them more play on the playground after school. The snow
and ice pushed us to taking the jogger back and forth to school for a
while. I discovered when school started that I hadn't been biking
regularly, and then when running, that I hadn't been doing that with
the regularity that I enjoyed last year either. During the break
C fixed the tagalong bike so that it doesn't lean so far to the left (I
was getting regular comments from concerned strangers on the street)
and it should hold us until spring arrives with weather that encourages
me to let A ride to school on his own bike instead of behind
mine. While the fix has made his every wiggle more of a balancing
challenge for me, and because he tends to whine whenever I have B ride
in front of me instead of trailing behind, I will be glad to have my
bike to myself once again. At the same time, he's not the most
traffic-savvy of kids yet, nor physically used to actually propelling
his own weight to and from school, and his desire to be ahead of his
brother on the downhill near home can put my heart in my throat.
Practice didn't last long enough for me to finish
this...
January 5, 2009
tags: anthropology, meteorology, chronology
It's cold here. It always amazes me the things
that people build that aren't designed for the climates they're
in. Mom says there are roofs
collapsing
in
Spokane. C and I have purchased new windows for
our home in three different houses because it was important to us and
made such a difference in our home's ability to retain its heat and
keep the cold out. Yet here we are again living in a house with
sieves for windows. There are some rooms with double panes.
There are also some rooms with serious drafts (and I'm not at the
moment counting our mail slot). Some of the lighter snowflakes
hanging in our front window swing in the draft from the window cold and
the radiator heat beneath that they have to be repositioned on the rod
every day. But it's our kitchen and the downstairs bathroom that
are the worst. I shake my head in amazement when I see our
neighbors open their windows in this weather, and there does seem to be
some Dutch reliance on fresh, outside air in all kinds of weather that
I don't quite understand. So, it is possible that this house WAS
built for its climate given that its weather happens in a particular
culture. But still... Brrrr!
C and I had a nice date night. In addition to
vowing to do such things more often, we had a nice dinner and then
played computer games until an embarrassing time in the morning.
We then vowed not to stay up so late again. Now it's Monday and
the kids are back at school and C is back at work. I am having a
productive day so far, and will need to go soon to pick up kids and
bring them home. I'm feeling full of energy, confidence and
ability, and though I'm sure some of it is just my cyclic nature, I
think our hitting the one year mark here and my week in the States
helped re-charge my batteries as well. I'm conscious of our
return date on the horizon (still by September 2010), and there's
nothing like a deadline to sharpen one's focus. Oop; got to go...
January 2, 2009
tags: anthropology, chronology
We've been here for a year now. It's our
anniversary as well as the turning of the year. Reflections and
resolutions are supposed to be the order of the day. Instead I've
got A asking me every few minutes how long until their playdate
sleep-over (and our date night), and my attempts to get him involved in
other things while waiting result in his asking for my further
involvement. Pleeeeease, mommy? Finally, we played that
connection game where the kids and I look into each others' eyes and
try to keep from smiling or laughing. Though I am actually very
good at not laughing, I find that we connect better and things work
more smoothly if I instead try to get them to laugh by laughing myself
and "lose" the game.
Time has played the tricks it usually does by
pretending to be linear when our experience of it is so decidedly
stretchy and relative. One year. Last year I was cold in
this house and that hasn't changed much, though I'm better prepared and
clothed for it. The house still has a large open mail slot,
windows that seem to breathe, and wood or tile floors that seep cold,
but now I have any number of slippers, and my long silk underwear to
layer on underneath. The coldest days, when I'm unwilling to turn
the heat up any more, I borrow the kids' superhero/villian
gloves. It's a bit warmer today, though, and the hole in the ice
over the bubbler on the pond next door is a bit wider. People
have been throwing rocks and stumps onto the ice on the canals to test
the thickness and so they sit out there in a spray of dirt on the ice
waiting for a thaw to let them through to the bottom. Perhaps
there will be skating on the canals this year.
Last year we were uncertain of many things. We
know a lot more this year about how things work and the things we need
to do. Some things remain mysterious, but not because we're
foreigners, like why Albert Heijn, the major grocery store we visit,
has a "Hamster Week" promotion this time of year. There won't be
the same time spent finding things this year that took up so many
hours. We've gotten into some grooves (though we seem unable to
get anywhere close to a regular schedule). I'd like to turn those
grooves into getting more fun things done with my kids and while
they're in school. I'd like this to be a very good year, and am
hopeful that we can get there from here.
Now the kids are gone and my C is waiting. I'm
unlikely to get much more writing done this afternoon or evening, so I
will bid adieu. Happy New Year!