From cy467@FreeNet.Carleton.CA Thu May 01 19:33:25 1997
Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon
Subject: [OW!] Madness in the kitchen. (Part 2)
From: cy467@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Jason Eric Tucker)
Date: 1 May 1997 23:33:25 GMT


Jason Eric Tucker (cy467@FreeNet.Carleton.CA) writes:

> 	While all this was going on, Rei and Minako talked. "You know,"
> said Minako, "I think these wars have gotten all out of hand."
> 	"You're just saying that because you don't have any followers."
> answered Rei.
> 	
> 	"I said, stop ignoring me!!"
> 	"You think you have it bad?" asked Der Karpfen of Jason. "Try
> having one of THESE for a head! You won't ever get ignored!"
> 	"Shutup, freak, or I'll pump you full of... er.. whatever BB's are
> made of!"
> 	Der Kerpfen huddled in the fetal position, cuddling his security
> blanket. 
> 
> 	"I don't want to do this, son! Just remember that I had no choice!
> KOSHER KRUSHER!!" With this, the Rabbi lept up in the air, holding Ryu by
> his waist. He brought the otaku down in a flash of light and a loud
> "WHABOOM!" Ryu let out a deathcry adn a SD rabbi popped into the corner of
> the screen that read "Super Art Finish!"
> 
> 	Jason was almost rabid. "I said pay attention to me! I am TOO a
> threat!" 
> 	"Pipe down! Everyone knows you're not!"
> 
	"HEY! YOU shut up!" retorted Jason. "Who said that anyway?" He
fired a few BB's into the cieling. "Does that seem like something a
non-threat would do?!"
	"Ah, a little spackle and it'll be fine," replied Sailor Jessica
Rabbit, who had collected a fortune bybetting on the Rabbi. "If you were
REALLY a threat, you'd put holes in it, like this:.... SUPREME LUMBER!!
wait... I don't have that with me right now.."
	"How about this, then?" offered Al. "Try this.. uh.. wait. I don't
have mine with me either," he said about his aqua chainsaw.
	"I think I have it," said Galadriel.
	"Oy, what a bunch of putzes! They don't even have their weapons
with them!" said the Rabbi in an aside to the 'camera'.
	"Ah, excuse me sir, but might I ask what this little episode is
about?" questioned the Peach.
	"I don't know. Might you?" asked Jason back.

	JetWolf is still staring intently at "that bitch Minako."

	"What is this about?! You want to know what this is about, Miss
Apricott?!" 
	"Peach" she corrected.
	"I am trying to show miss self-important, self-proclaimed queen of
Reichanianism JetWolf that her former sidekick IS a threat!" announced
Jason through a mouth that was foaming.
	"Is it working?" asked the Peach.
	Jason stared directly at the black-jacketed Reichanian leader, who
was trying to burn a hole through "that bitch Minako" with her mind.
Mina-chan stared back, but more nervously, thinking of what JetWolf would
do to her is they had five minutes alone in a dark alley.
	"Hey! JetWolf! JetWolf!" She didn't listen, so he shot her in the
butt with his BB gun. "Pay attention to me!"
	"OW!" (Pain, not the acronym.) "What was that for, you little.."
	"You see? I AM a threat!"
	"What do you mean, you lousey piece of [insert insult of your
choice here]? You can't even break the skin with that thing!"
	"Yes I can! The little BB can lodge itself under the skin and
cause a nasty infection! Then it'll fester and swell and puss can get all
over and.."
	As Jason went on about how ineffectic pennicillin is getting in
treating infections, the Family Circus kids stumbled through the plot
hole, following their master in a drunken stupor. "hey, kids," said
Georgia Peach, handing each a bottle of liquor from the cabinets. "I have
a job for you." Der Karpfen just sobbed.
	"And then" screamed Jason, foam dripping from the corner of his
mouth, "It'll have to be broken into little pieces anf tweesed out by a
proctologist!" Many otaku became a bit ill at his vivid description, one
of the OSDF even losing his lunch in the sink. "And that is why I AM a
thre..AAAAHH!! AAAUUUGH!!"
	His sudden panic came from the fact that he was tackled by a
drunken hoarde of FS children.
	"Taken down by little kawaii kids." said JetWolf.
	"What a schlamiel." said Rabbi.
	"It's pretty obvious,"  said SuperSteve.
	"Yup," said Al. "This guy's no threat."
	"Thou art correct," said Galadriel.
	"NO! No he artn't! OUCH! Stop biting!"
	The crowd filed out into the courtyard to pay attention to more
important, and more threateneing things.
	"But..AAIIEE!! But I AM! AAUGH! Really!"

	The Rabbi knelt beside Ryu as he regained consiousness. "Ryu?"
	"Rabbi? Oh, Rabbi! I had the most awful dream! It was about
Chibi-Chibi making me eat almonds!"
	"Um.. okay. Ryu, who are you?"
	"I am the property of.. um.. no one, really. Except maybe (*sigh
and a slight blush*) Ami-chan, if she'll have me."
	"Oh, Ryu! I'm so glad you're okay, my son! I'm getting farklempt!"
	The two hugged and went out into the courtyard with the others,
now un-brainwashed and ready to protect the unprotected, and all that
other cool stuff while Jason was getting mauled by  Fanily Circus kids.
	"AAAAIE!! OUCH!! I Am a threat... AAUGH!"

			-Jason Tucker