Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is in the station. Darling, I love you!
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station
Moonlight always makes me think of you.
If you wish to pass some water,
kindly call the pullman porter,
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.
If the porter isn't here,
Try the platform in the rear-
The one in front is likely to be full.
If the ladies' room be taken,
Never feel the least forsaken,
Never show a sign of sad defeat.
Try the men's room in the hall,
And if some man has had the call,
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.
If these efforts are in vain,
Then simply break a window pane-
A novel method used by very few.
My occupation after dark
Is goosing statues in the park,
If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you?