The Grammar Goddess Guide to Revision & Real Writing

Ruth Townsend Story  ruthTstory@mindspring.com

Cathy Greenwood cfgreenwd@aol.com

www.thegrammargoddesses.com

"Revision is Power."  Janet Angelillo

Engage, Motivate, Demonstrate, Practice, Apply

I.                    Make revision matter with real writing for real audience.

A.     Allow your students to do the work of real writers.  Structure a writing

assignment so that it has a purpose beyond getting a grade and an audience

beyond the usual audience of one, the teacher.

B.     Motivate and encourage students to earn fame and (sometimes a bit of) fortune by submitting writing to contests and publication that publish teen writers.

C.    Facilitate student submissions by setting up a file box with a folder for each publisher and contest.  Students choose which pieces to publish where by putting them in the appropriate folders.  Once a month, put them in an envelope and mail them.  Post the contest flyers and magazine.

D.    Encourage going public with writing by establishing a requirement to go public by submitting one or more pieces each term.  Have students keep writing portfolios and evaluate each term with progress and effort grades.

II.                  Empower students in their revision efforts

A.     Give students a Decoder List of Revision Strategies, or have them copy each strategy as you teach it.

B.    Encourage students to keep an ongoing Personal Record of Revision Strategies suggested by teacher comments on their writing.

C.    Encourage them to use the Personal Record of Revision Strategies to guide their revision efforts on each new writing piece before submitting it.

III.                Offer lessons and guided practice based on students' own writing

A.     Note the most frequent student revision issues and target those topics for direct instruction and practice.

B.     Make the instruction and practice fun, practical, accessible, and whenever possible, have it generate a writing piece that can be enjoyed by a real audience (besides the teacher).

C.    Teach the language of grammar as the foreign language that it is.  Do not assume they know it; keep it simple and straightforward, but do teach it.  Otherwise, they will not be able to understand revision strategies.

Places to Go Public

Class Book:  Put one copy of your writing piece in the binder on the shelf in our classroom.  Be sure to write your name and the title of your piece on the Table of Contents on the first page of the binder.

Teen Ink:  (grades 7-12. This website, monthly newsprint magazine, and quarterly poetry magazine features personal essays, short stories, reviews (books, CDs, concerts, movies) and interviews from young authors.  Include your name, year of birth, email address, home address/city/state/zip, phone number, school name and English teacher. Include a signed originality statement: write at the end of your submission, “This will certify that the above work is completely original.”  Sign your name.  Mail to: Teen Ink, P.O. Box 30, Newton, MA 02461 or email to submissions@TeenInk.com   or submit to website  www.teenink.com

High School Writer (grades 9-12);   Junior High School Writer (grades5 – 8) This national publication is published monthly Sep. – June. It accepts all genres; however, your school must subscribe to the newspaper. Include your name, your school’s name and address, your year in school (grade 11, grade 7, etc.) Write at the end of your submission, “This is my original work.  It does not contain the words or anyone else without proper credit.”  Sign your name.  Mail to: High School Writer P.O. Box 718, Grand Rapids, MN 55744-0718  email writer@mx3.com

Writing  (grades 7-12)  Published monthly during the school year, this magazine offers teen writers lots to read about writing, as well as writing prompts, ideas, writing contests, and places to publish your writing – including their website www.readandwriting.com  Send submissions to writing @ weeklyreader.com  or Writing, 200 First Stamford Place, P.O. 120023, Stamford, CT 06912-0023

Scholastic Scope (grades 7-12) This magazine encourages readers to send their writing of all kinds, including reviews of books, movies, or CDs, and poems, stories, and opinion pieces.  Each issue offers a variety of writing ideas and a full page of student writing titled “Having Your Say.” Submit your writing to Scholastic Scope, 557 Broadway, NY, NY 10012, email scopemag@scholastic.com or go to www.scholastic.com.scope

Voices from the Middle (grades 5-9)  This magazine for middle school teachers published by the National Council of Teachers of English has a monthly section of book reviews written by students, for students.  Your teacher may submit up to five reviews from different students each semester.  See other guidelines for submitting to Voices from the Middle on the website www.ncte.org

Scholastic Art & Writing Awards  This is the oldest, largest, and most prestigious writing contest in the world.  Deadline is in January each year.  Accepts submissions in all genres.  See details on the website for submission requirements   www.scholastic.com 

WriteIt  This is a website that offers the best of Scholastic’s resources for young writers.  There are lessons, videos, interviews with young writers, and many opportunities to submit and publish your writing on the site  http://teacher.scholastic.com/writeit/

Revision Strategies Practiced in Headline News Lessons

·                    Focus - the main purpose or idea = Create a title or headline that summarizes the main idea of your composition

·                    Relevance = Eliminate details that don't explain your topic or develop the central idea of your composition or the main idea of a paragraph

·                    Logical development/organization = Organize each paragraph so that one detail follows naturally from another.  Begin a new paragraph when you shift to another topic.

·                    Concision - word choice - Use specific nouns and modifiers and strong verbs so your writing is accurate and focused.

·                    Fluency - sentences = Avoid short, choppy sentences and long, wordy sentences by substituting single word modifiers or prepositional phrases or participial phrases to express some of your ideas.

· 

DEMONSTRATE    PRACTICE    APPLY

This weekend I earned lots of money petsitting

My neighbors had to go to a family funeral in Ohio and asked me to take care of their Irish setter Duffy and their cat Ginger.  They were going to be away for three days, so I had to feed them in the morning and in the late afternoon.  I also had to walk Duffy three times a day and clean out the kitty litter once a day.  Ginger likes to be brushed every day, but she is pretty much a house cat.  I didn’t want to let her out anyway because I was afraid she might not come back in.  She could also run away or get in a fight or be attacked by a coyote.  I’ve never seen one, but I have heard stories about coyotes in the area and I think they eat cats.  So I made sure Ginger stayed in the house where she likes to be anyway.  And I made sure Duffy got three good walks every day.  When they came home my neighbors were very happy with the way I took care of their pets, so they gave me $20 for every day they were gone and then a bonus of $20 for doing such a good job.  Wow!  I got $80 for taking care of animals I like and doing a job that was easy.

By Penny Jones    (220 words)

Petsitting earns teenager big bucks

This weekend Penny Jones discovered that caring for her neighbor’s dog and cat was easy and profitable.  The animals had to be fed in the morning and in the evening.  Duffy, a friendly Irish setter, needed to be walked three times a day, but Ginger, the cat, was content to stay in the house as long as her litter box was cleaned regularly and her coat brushed once a day.  The neighbors were pleased with Penny’s care of their animals and paid her $20 for every day they were away plus a $20 bonus for doing such a good job.  (111 words)

Participles for Lively Writing

A participle looks like a verb, but it's only half a verb, what is called a verbal. Participles are either in present or past form.

Present participle               Verb                           Past participle

  cheering                          are cheering                     cheered

  breaking                           had broken                         broken

  eating                               was eating                          eaten

  speaking                           is speaking                         spoken

By itself a participle cannot take a subject; it has to be attached to a verb that can function as a predicate in a sentence.  By itself, though, a participle or participial phrase can be a dynamic adjective or an adverb.  Sports writers and poets who write about sports use lots of participles and participial phrases.  For example:

1."The coaching genius knows how quickly his reputation can be tarnished."

The present participle coaching describes the genius, and the past participle tarnished describes his reputation.

2. "Screaming with frustration, the angry fans rushed onto the soccer field."

The participial phrase Screaming with frustration adds to the description of the fans.

3. "Antoine Winfield's crunching tackle sent the ball flying end-over-end toward the end zone."

The present participle crunching describes Winfield's tackle, and flying end-over-end toward the end zone is a participial phrase that describes the motion of the ball.

You have to be careful to avoid the dreaded misplaced participial modifier or you'll end up with some strange, even silly sentences.

4.  Hissing and yowling in the tree, the fireman tried to rescue the cat.

This sounds like the fireman was hissing and yowling in the tree.

5. The baby was delivered and handed to the pediatrician, breathing and crying immediately.

Was the pediatrician breathing and crying immediately?  That's odd

6.The neighbor's lawnmower was reported stolen by the police.

Oh my gosh, the police stole the lawnmower!  Could that be right?

7. Lying on the beach all day, her mother was afraid Ursaline would get sunburned.

How could Ursaline get a sunburn if her mother were lying on the beach all day?

8. Flying over New York City at night, the Empire State Building looked like a welcoming beacon of light.

Could the Empire State Building be flying over the city?

The problem with all but the last sentence is that the writers have failed to put the participial phrases close to the nouns they are modifying, so the intended meanings are not stated.  In the last sentence. the writer failed to provide a noun or pronoun for the participial phrase to modify, so the phrase is dangling, unattached to anything, unless, of course, the writer meant that the Empire State Building was flying over the city at night.

With your students, explore ways to rewrite these sentences to get the participles where they belong. 

SAMPLE BOOK REVIEW TECHNIQUES

TASK:

a.                   Read the techniques. 

b.                  Circle 3 or 4 that you might use when writing your own book review, and 1 or 2 that you like to see in book reviews written by others. 

c.                   Refer to this list while you write your book review.

** = required!!!!

*   = strongly recommended

1.                  ** (required for every book review) headline

2.                  ** (required for every book review) use strong verbs and verbals

3.                  ** (required for every book review) short summary or description that draws the reader into the story, but do not give away the ending!

4.                  ** (required for every book review) include a recommendation, such as…  “two thumbs up”  or “I give it five out of five stars” or “I recommend this book to middle schoolers who like fast-paced mysteries…” or “If you like funny books with interesting characters, then you will like this book.”

5.                  ** (required for every book review) basic info about the book: title, author, publisher & city, ISBN #, price, number of pages, you name and school as the reviewer (see sample book reviews for format)

6.                  * indicate the genre, such as thriller, non-fiction, true story, mystery, fantasy, biography, realistic fiction, science fiction, multi-genre, diary format,.

7.                  *“Grabber” opening – feel free to use “loaded” vocabulary, such as “Lies, deceit, and betrayal…”

8.                  ask the reader a question “Can you imagine being stranded on an island with a murderer…”    or “-a stowaway?  But how did he get on?  Could crew members be involved?”

9.                  mention if book is a sequel or part of a series (name the series) or movie: “Read this thriller, the third book in the Shadow Children series…”  or “This autobiography, the basis for the movie October Sky…”

10.             include another famous book written by the author

11.             describe the setting “It is August of 1768 and the port of Plymouth, England is bustling with people…”

12.             briefly mention interesting characters  

13.             include a quote from the book that is intriguing, exciting, interesting… “Renowned curator Jacques Sauniere staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s grand gallery…”

14.             include your opinion “The Da Vinci Code is a fascinating, engrossing mystery with compelling stories …”

15.             give a personal reaction “Nick’s journal kept me reading for hours on end…”

16.             make a personal connection 

17.             connect to another book or movie

18.             connect to world today or past history

@Grammar Lessons You'll Love to Teach, Story & Greenwood Scholastic, 2006.

@Revision Lessons You'll Love to Teach, Story & Greenwood, Fall 2008