What is a Virtuous Woman?

Most of us who were brought up in church – any type of Christian church – have heard of if not read Proverbs 31 and the description of a virtuous woman.  Many of us women have studied it to some degree.  Who wouldn’t want to be considered virtuous by our husband, family and the rest of our acquaintances? Right?!  Not too long ago I was in a bible study and we were discussing who this woman was and what her relevance was to the New Testament church.  Was this picture, this description, a valid one for wives in the New Testament era of the Body of Christ?  Was this woman’s attributes in agreement with what the Lord inspired the authors to write about in Titus 2, Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 14 . . .well, in all of the New Testament?  I pray that as we begin this study that the Holy Spirit will quicken the scriptures and remove the blinders in areas of our lives that we are hindered.  God is merciful and He desires to reveal Himself to us.

We begin with reading the scripture – Proverbs 31 in full.

Proverbs 31

 1 The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.

 2 What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?

 3 Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

 5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

 6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

 7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

8 Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.

 9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Our focus scriptures will be Proverbs 31:10 – 31 and we will also be including passages in 1 Corinthians, Ephesians, 1 Timothy, Titus, etc.  It is not my desire to neither pick apart the beginning of this chapter nor spend time on doctrinal issues.  The Lord has lain on my heart to do a practical study of these attributes – how to actually USE this information in our daily lives and also to examine this with the New Testament descriptions of what a woman should be.

All right – let me remind those who will be joining me for this study.  It will only work correctly if you participate.  I am a firm believer that NO one knows it all.  The Lord reveals Himself to His children and it works best when we each share.  Paul and I have shared many times on our website that we are searching just like all of you and when the Lord quickens something to us then we offer that to our brothers and sisters for prayer, discussion and correction.  It is important that we come as children when studying the Word.  Let’s try not to filter the scripture through the experiences of our past but ask the Lord to spark in us what He wants us to see for our lives. 

VERSE 10

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

 I think we all have a picture in our minds of what “virtuous” means, but I wanted to examine what the definition was.  Do we picture Mother Teresa or the Virgin Mary?  You know – like a slight glow surrounding with a halo on top and a chorus of angels providing the background music.  Perhaps we see the image of June Cleaver – perfectly pressed and not a hair out of place, steaming hot platter of fried chicken in her hands which of course are covered with matching pot holders that haven’t got a stain on them, and lest we forget the sweetly embroidered cotton check apron that is tied in a perfectly symmetrical bow around her very tiny waist. Come on!

The word “Virtuous” is found only three times in the scripture – Once in reference to Ruth 3:11 “And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.” 

Once is Proverbs 12:4 “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed [is] as rottenness in his bones.” and then finally in Proverbs 31. 

This is the definition of the word “virtuous” from the Hebrew as found in the Strong’s Concordance. 

Strong's H2428 - chayil חיל

1) strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army

a) strength

b) ability, efficiency

            c) wealth

            d) force, army

Here are some modern definitions I found:

WorldNet Princeton - morally excellent

Merriam Webster -1. potent, efficacious 2. having or exhibiting virtue b : morally excellent : righteous

Free Dictionary - 1. morally good 2. chaste

 The rest of the time this Hebrew word is used to denote masculine traits.  Here are the words and the number of times that they are used in the Old Testament:

  army 56, man of valour 37, host 29, forces 14, valiant 13, strength 12, riches 11, wealth 10, power 9, substance 8, might 6, strong 5, misc 33

 I also looked up the word Virtue which is of course the root of the word Virtuous:

WorldNet Princeton - the quality of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong

Merriam Webster -      1  a : conformity to a standard of right : morality

    b : a particular moral excellence

                                    2 plural : an order of angels — see celestial hierarchy

                                    3 : a beneficial quality or power of a thing

4 : manly strength or courage : valor

5 : a commendable quality or trait : merit

6 : a capacity to act : potency

7 : chastity especially in a woman

 I think we can safely venture to say that this descriptive word “virtuous” used in Proverbs 31:10 is referring to a really excellent woman -  Excellent in every way.  She is the epitome, the ideal, the model woman. She is up to the challenge for whatever task is at hand.  I want to venture to say, from the beginning, that I do not believe this woman depicted is young.  She obviously has children and has some years behind her.  Why do I say that?  Well, we will get in to that more later, but I believe it is evidenced in all the tasks that she has mastered and the position which she and her husband have attained in the community.

I wanted to mention this now because I remember when I was a very young woman and studied this passage of scripture and ended up feeling inadequate in so many ways because I didn’t know how to do anything.  So if you are a younger sister, please recognize that we are all in a process.  It takes time to develop skills and gain wisdom and none of us have it all mastered.  Do not despair over what you do not know or cannot do yet.  Each of us must ask the Lord where we are to begin and what step is next for us to take.  He will lead you!

I have talked to Paul several times over the last few weeks about my intrigue that the Hebrew word translated here is also translated for the most part to denote things like “strength”, “efficiency”, “ability”, “might”, “power”.  It even is used for “army” and “force”. These words sound to me like they are describing a general or some type of superhero.  And yet I do not get the impression– from the rest of the chapter - that this woman is a forceful, bold or controlling person.  Do you agree? 

A picture begins to emerge in my mind’s eye of this person.  Our family has off and on through the years enjoyed the experience of having “tea” in the late afternoon.  We do it up with all the trimmings –special teas from all over the world, teapots, cream, sugar cubes, little sandwiches or cookies, cloth napkins, tiny spoons, etc.  I have an assortment of lovely teapots that we use. Some are fine china, some are utilitarian stoneware, some are small, and some are a bit larger. I have also enjoyed collecting stoneware pitchers through the years.  We have several that are hand-thrown pottery made by friends of mine.  Several are just very utilitarian and while not so pretty, they are very sturdy.  I try to use everything I have at some point or another and I also match the item to the task.  I do not use my large, heavy stoneware pitcher to serve hot tea during tea time.  If I am making tea for myself, then I will use my very small “Brown Betty”.  If we are having a family time, then I will bring out my larger teapots that are more suitable.  When I am making a pitcher of punch or sweet tea for supper, then the large pitchers are brought out.  The correct vessel for the correct task - The value of each vessel is in its ability to fill the need. I see this woman as someone who can handle what is given her to handle. 

*I want to note here that there are some of my teapots and pitchers that are so delicate and fragile they are no longer used.  While they are beautiful, they are merely set on a shelf to remind me of special times in the past. I have to admit that at this point in time they are on a very high shelf and quite often the only time I remember them is when I have to dust them.  But because of their sentimental value, they are still given a place to exist.  I pray that the Lord never considers me one of these. I want to be fulfilling His purpose until the day He returns or I draw my last breath, whichever comes first.

This woman is a woman who is ready for the task at hand whatever it may be.  Efficient, strong, able, organized (the image of an army makes me think of an organized situation), ready – all these words would be appropriate to describe her. This point begins to lead me into the next point of this passage – “for her price is far above rubies”. 

Price far above rubies – this has been the title of many books, studies, websites, etc for women for many, many years.  Far above rubies - I don’t know about you but I haven’t ever bought or even priced a ruby so I have no clue what they are worth.  But I decided to check the price of rubies and found some amazing information.

“The very finest, top quality ruby is so rare that it has been the world's most valued gemstone for thousands of years. In fact, even today, flawless top quality rubies are more valuable and rare than top quality colorless diamonds. Top rubies are so rare even the world's top gem dealers must incessantly comb through wealthy estate sales and auctions to find them. Clean bright stones in sizes above five carats are particularly rare.”           Chris Ralph

“During the course of history, rubies have been so highly prized and valued that they have, at times, reached a value over 7 times the value of diamonds.”  allaboutrubies.org

The more I read the more I see that rubies truly were the most valuable item of the era when this was written.  Even today the ruby is the rarest of all the gems. So this tells us that this woman is an extremely rare commodity and her value is incredible. Now, I want to say – I don’t think her value is necessarily based in the fact that she is rare.  There isn’t going to be a bidding war over a wife.  But instead I see her value as the fact that she is so in tune with the needs of her loved ones and being so in tune, she does what is necessary to cover all those areas to the utmost degree.

 According to scripture the only other thing that was listed as more valuable than rubies was wisdom. 

Proverbs 8:11 “For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it.” 

 Sisters – Now is your turn to jump in.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this so far.  Yes, we are just barely beginning, but I am interested to hear what you think about the definitions that we have seen or about why this woman was so valuable.  It would be easy to jump ahead and look further down the chapter but let’s establish here at the beginning what we see so far.   

Verse11

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”

We begin our study of this verse with definitions as usual.  The Hebrew word for “heart” is:

Strong's H3820 - leb לב

1) inner man, mind, will, heart, understanding

a) inner part, midst

1) midst (of things)

2) heart (of man)

3) soul, heart (of man)

4) mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory

5) inclination, resolution, determination (of will)

6) conscience

7) heart (of moral character)

8) as seat of appetites

9) as seat of emotions and passions

10) as seat of courage

As I read over these terms in the definition I was amazed – look in particular at 8, 9 and 10.  Incredible! - the seats of “appetites”, “emotions and passions” and finally the “seat of courage”.  I think the rest of the terms are fairly obvious and what we would expect from this usage of the word “heart”, but those last three are so telling.  Don’t you think?

Let’s consider these three concepts for a minute.  The seats of:  appetites, emotions and passions and courage.  The word seat here means the center or foundation where something is settled.  If we say that a man’s heart is his inner part, his will, his understanding we can also see that it is a place from which the drives of that person emanate.  Is that a valid statement? Obviously, the person who has been reconciled to God through the Lord Jesus Christ is going to be (should be) coming into alignment with the will of God rather than himself.  But each of us that live in a flesh and blood body on this earth still have emotions, passions and needs that we must deal with. 

Is there a wife on this planet who would not like to truly know their husband’s heart?  What a profound thing it would be for us to know not only what he physically desires and needs but to also to know and understand his emotional, mental, spiritual needs in the deepest sense. 

As I was studying about the “heart” and the Hebrew word for it, I found that it was used over 500 times in the scripture.  The phrases included:  

“. . .And Jacob's heart fainted, for he believed them not.” Genesis 45:26

“. . .and their heart failed them, and they were afraid . . .”  Genesis 42:28

“. . .but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.”  Exodus 4:21

“. . .whosoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it, an offering of the LORD.”  Exodus 35:5

“. . . and his heart was merry. . .” Ruth 3:7

“. . .he was afraid, and his heart greatly trembled.” 1 Samuel 28:5

I could add more and more but what I found was the heart is a very unsettled part of a human.  It refers to our mind, will and emotions and can be affected by many things for the good and for the bad.  The scripture tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” and then encourages us in Ezekiel 36:26, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.”  So it is clear that the Lord is concerned about the state of our heart – our innermost part - and in looking at our role as a wife we see that it is important that we understand the heart of our husband. 

Next let’s look at the words “safely trust in her” which is the Hebrew word Batach. 

Strong's H982 - batach בטח

1) to trust

a) (Qal)

1) to trust, trust in

2) to have confidence, be confident

3) to be bold

4) to be secure

b) (Hiphil)

1) to cause to trust, make secure

2) to feel safe, be careless

If we recognize that the heart of our husband is his inmost part – his mind, will and emotions – then we can see clearly the importance of him being able to safely trust his own wife.  As women, I believe that one of the most important needs we have is to feel secure and lo and behold, look above at number 4 – to be secure.  Interesting!!! Our husband needs to feel secure!  This scripture is telling me that the deepest part of my husband needs to feel secure with me.  Okay, some of you may be saying – “Yes, we know that already.  That is a no-brainer.”  Well, wait just a minute.  Think about that.  Meditate on it a little bit.  Does your husband’s heart safely trust in you?  If you asked him that question, I have little doubt that he would say yes, but is that really what he feels. 

(This could be one of those security points.  Is he secure enough with you that he can tell you and honest answer and you not become offended?)

Think back a little and ponder it – is there any area of your marriage where your husband may not feel completely secure with you.  Mentally examine areas like finances, your relationships with others (loyalties, gossiping, activities), parenting choices, spiritually.

This is a true time for personal prayer and soul-searching.  It is pointless unless we are brutally honest with ourselves. 

I want to encourage you to pray over this and ask the Lord to reveal things to your heart that you may have ignored or made excuses for.  When I began this study, the Lord prompted me that this needed to be a very practical look – well, this is your first assignment.  Dig for the truth and when you begin to see areas where you may have not been trust-worthy, repent before the Lord and then repent before your husband. Let me point out too that when you repent, don’t add in your excuses – that is NOT repentance.  Acknowledge your wrong, accept responsibility and then make the changes necessary.  There is tremendous joy on the other side of repentance and it will be worth it!!

Proverbs 31:12   “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

What a glorious thing for a man to be able to say of his wife, “She has done me only good her entire life!”  I think any wife would be overwhelmed with the joy of that statement.  Let’s look at this a little more closely.  Good – we all think we know what the word good means. The Hebrew word for “good” is towb.

Strong's H2896 - towb טוב

1) good, pleasant, agreeable

a) pleasant, agreeable (to the senses)

b) pleasant (to the higher nature)

c) good, excellent (of its kind)

d) good, rich, valuable in estimation

e) good, appropriate, becoming

f) better (comparative)

g) glad, happy, prosperous (of man's sensuous nature)

h) good understanding (of man's intellectual nature)

i) good, kind, benign

j) good, right (ethical)

2) a good thing, benefit, welfare

a) welfare, prosperity, happiness

b) good things (collective)

c) good, benefit

d) moral good

3) welfare, benefit, good things

a) welfare, prosperity, happiness

b) good things (collective)

c) bounty

There is so much in that definition, let’s break it down to just a little bit more understandable idea.  She should be: Pleasant, Happy, Agreeable, Understanding, Kind, Beneficial, Bountiful, Prosperous, Becoming*, Right*, Moral. I think I am going to print this list of words out and keep them on my bulletin board over my desk.  This is an incredible job description, don’t you think.  A couple of the items I want to touch on a bit more.  Do you remember from the beginning of this study, I said that it was going to be a “practical look” at Proverbs 31?  That means we are going to discuss how to put these truths into perspective.   

Before we get into that I want to focus your attention on the words prior to this – she will DO him good.  Again, a common word that we all understand, but I was intrigued by #3 in the definition in Strong’s. 

Strong's H1580 - gamal גמל

1) to deal out to, do to

2) to deal bountifully with

3) to recompense, repay, requite

To RECOMPENSE, REPAY, REQUITE.  Hmmmm, interesting.  Have you every said or thought in your heart and mind the words, “I don’t owe you anything.” in reference to your husband?  I have heard those words countless times from women – if not literally, they have certainly shown it in the attitudes and behavior.  This is clearly telling us as wives, that we should DO him good not only out of pure love for him but also in a sense to repay him for what he has done for us. 

Generally speaking, when we are indebted to someone, we tend to treat them with great respect and honor.  Our modern society has taught us that we don’t owe anyone anything but we as children of God understand fully our position of duty, obligation and respect for others in the light of the fact that we are bondservants of the Most High God and have been redeemed from a great debt that He has paid on our behalf.  That should cause us to remain in humility and give us a deep desire to repay that kindness and mercy by showing the same to others.  How much more so to our own husband, who has taken on the responsibility in this life of being our spiritual head, protector and provider. 

Now let’s jump back to the word good and the list made above: Pleasant, Happy, Agreeable, Understanding, Kind, Beneficial, Bountiful, Prosperous, Becoming*, Right*, Moral.

Several of these words bring pictures to my mind. Pleasant and Happy seem to go together, don’t they?  When I am feeling especially happy, Paul can hear it in my voice.  We have cellphones that have radios in them where we can beep one another during the day and talk, and when he beeps me and I am cheerful and happy he instantly comments on it.  “You sure do sound happy today, Honey.” He says.  Now that tells me two things.  #1 – He is watching to see joy in my life and when he does the affect is immediate.  So it must be very important to him.  #2 – My voice, words and attitude clearly reflect what is in my heart.  When I feel cheerful and joyful it lifts my husband up.  It really lifts everyone up that we come in contact with. That is what I want.  But it is also true that real happiness is not just cheerfulness.  Happiness is deep within and if you are not happy inside, you can only act cheerful for so long and then the clouds in your heart begin to shadow again. 

As I searched the scriptures for the word Happy, I was not surprised to find that it is used in reference to those who have children, obey the Word of God, honor His laws, endure to the end and overcome fear and whose hope is in the Lord.  When I look at this, I have to ask – Do we fit this?  I pray that we do.  This is a good time for examination on these issues.  Remember, if you are happy in the inner man, then you will show it in your outer man and what a blessing it is to your husband for you to be a truly happy wife.

This list of words causes me to categorize.  Understanding, Agreeable, Kind – in my mind these go together.  There is an old cliché about a man leaving his wife and the excuse is “She doesn’t understand me.”  Most people just laugh that off and assume he is just looking for an excuse, but it is such a common statement I tend to believe there must be some truth in it.  Men truly feel frustration in trying to understand their wives and have their wives understand them.  Even simple situations can boil over into major problems because of lack of understanding.

This past week during our Wednesday night Bible Study we were in Daniel chapters 10 through 12 and this particular verse struck me as we were discussing all that Daniel saw in these visions. 

Daniel 10:12, “Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.”

It was so clear to me that Daniel, who had served the Lord all of his life and had suffered many things because of his commitment to God, had learned, even though it might bring him great difficulty in this life, to SET his heart to understand.  And he was willing to chasten himself, through fasting, denying his flesh and dedication to intense prayer, so that he could understand.  If my husband is the head of me under Christ and I believe that with all my heart, then shouldn’t I be willing to put forth this same effort to understand him?  Has God not called me to be his help-meet and how can I be that if I will not put forth the effort to understand him. 

We see the cry of others in the scripture how important it is to seek to have an understanding heart.

1 Kings 3:9 “Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?” 

Job 6:24 “Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred.”  Now THAT is a scripture that each of us wives should memorize.

I could go on an on with scriptures – you might want to do a little word study yourself of more scriptures on understanding.

Before I close the topic on understanding I want to make mention of the two words “agreeable” and “kind”.  It is vitally important that I point out that this form of agreeable is not in reference to being a simpering, ignorant, child.  In my mind I see this as an offshoot of understanding.  If I understand then I am more likely to agree.  And remember, if you were part of the Godly Wife Bible Study when I shared that submission is really in affect when you are of a differing opinion.  That is when submission is a verb.

My thesaurus tells me that the definition for agreeable is to assent, to be willing to be in unison. OOOOOHHHH how excellent!  To be willing to be in unison. Now there are situations where we cannot be in agreement with some people.  But we are not talking about the world in general; we are talking about our husband - the man who is head of our home, spiritual leader of our life.   The antonyms of agreeable are argumentative, harsh, repugnant and unwilling. Did I hear “Ouch!” out there?  What a glorious thing for a husband and wife to be in unity and agreement.

Matthew 18:19 “Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.” 

Kind goes along with agreeable and understanding, don’t you think? Honestly, kind goes with everything!  Kindness is a mark of a child of God.  Others may have kindness but a Child of God must have kindness.

Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” 

As we move on in our list, again, I would join a few more words together: bountiful, prosperous and beneficial.  The picture these elicit in my mind is a beautiful apple tree planted near the edge of a stream, heavy laden with fruit that is not scarred or bitten or spotted.  It is a healthy tree full of life. Oh, yes, Sisters – this is what I believe the Lord would have us be.  The fruit of its existence brings joy to everyone who encounters it. Can you see it?  Are you like that fruit tree? 

This image leads me to the two words that I placed an asterisk by: Becoming and Right.  I wanted to make special note of these two words because they are a sticking point for many women.  So many sisters are drawn to the plain and simple lifestyle but they struggle with feeling unattractive and unpleasing to their husbands and in truth sometimes their husbands even confirm this to some degree because it is so different than what they are used to.  It is such a difficult situation for all concerned.  But allow me again to draw your attention to the words I have included in our study of this verse. These words are in the definition for “Good” - Pleasant, Happy, Agreeable, Understanding, Kind, Beneficial, Bountiful, Prosperous, Becoming*, Right*, Moral – now picture that apple tree. 

Imagine yourself walking through a treacherous place; a rocky, dry, steep terrain, fraught with frustration and danger and turmoil.  You are hungry and weary and overwhelmed with care and worry. Then you begin to hear the sound of water bubbling and flowing along and then your eye catches sight of that tree.  The soil is rich underneath and the carpet of grass is clean and soft.  The leaves are alive almost like they are dancing in the breeze and there in the midst of the branches are the succulent, delicious fruit.  Beauty hardly describes the scene.  This Sisters, is what the Lord had in mind for his daughters.  Our beauty will come from deep within us as we exhibit all these aspects. To the weary, hungry, burdened traveler all that we have to offer will so overwhelm the world’s false adornments that they will seem disgusting and putrid as they indeed are.

Sisters?  What say ye?